DietCokeandSarcasm

This week

2012-02-05T11:25:00.000-08:00

Birthdays

2012-01-29T19:26:00.000-08:00

Did anyone else notice that just about everyone has a birthday in the last week or so? I went to two birthday parties this weekend and they were both amazing fun. However, by the time I got home late last night, I was definitely ready for a day of sitting in bed, watching netflix.

First, my friend and I tried to take a picture together but were laughing too hard that it only captured a part of my shoulder, half of her face and some poor random girl in the background.

I was really proud of my outfit on Tuesday so I couldn't help but take one of these pictures.
Also, my dog is the best.

Some of the best things that has ever happened to me, a grammar error on a professional document made by my university and a best friend hug exchanged between two birthday share-ers.

My host teacher was out at a conference Monday-Thursday so I taught most of the week with a substitute teacher. It was amazing and exhausting and needles to say, I feel 100% ready for my internship in March.

Seen around town lately

2012-01-22T12:28:00.000-08:00

Recovering from being snowed in, dealing with the disappointment of having my trip to Dallas canceled, getting ready to teach for the first full day without my host teacher. Life is stressful and busy and not the best but definitely not the worst.

On Being Sad

2012-01-20T20:20:00.000-08:00

I consider myself an expert on being sad. If sad were a degree choice, I'd have my masters and be moments away from finishing my doctorate. If sad were a color, it would be the one that matches my skin type the best.

So let me tell you something about being sad that most people don't realize, you don't get to have the monopoly on it.

Even though it may feel like it, even when you are 100% sure that you are the saddest person on Earth, you aren't the only one and it's not fair to say or think that you are.

It's not fair to cut others down because you think that you've had it worse. It's not fair to call someone a baby or say that they aren't trying hard enough. Nobody chooses to be sad. Nobody wants to be sad and sometimes, people can't even figure out exactly why they are.

Instead of being hard on yourself for not having the right state of mind or trying hard enough or reading enough "how to" manuals on making your life the way you want it to be, try something new.

Let yourself be sad. Allow yourself time to soak it all up and just flat out deal with it. Tell yourself that it's okay that you're feeling the way that you do because it is. Put it in the right box, call it by the right name and just let it be.

After awhile, what seems like the worst feeling in the world will more than likely seem further and further away. Instead of waking up sad, you might not even notice the feeling until it sneaks up on you in the afternoon. Once you've stared it in the face, it stops being hard and starts being possible.

2011

2011-12-31T19:46:00.001-08:00

I read in a book once that the only way to have an exciting life is to become an explorer. The word "explorer" here meaning different things to different people. In my situation, being an explorer means discovering the world that exists outside of Port Orchard.But with that in mind, the one and only vague resolution I made for this year was to get better at living an exciting life and to explore.

Here's a recap of some of the things that happened in my life in 2011.
1. I had an awesome practicum placement and felt like a teacher for the first time in my life.

2. I went to the aquarium, the science center, the Star Wars exhibit (mediocre), the Harry Potter exhibit (awesome), on an awesome road trip to Bellingham and to the pumpkin patch.

3. I saw a ton of movies in the movie theater. Some of which were awesome (GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO AND THE MUPPETS, DUH). Some of which were... less than awesome.

4. I went to a ton of great concerts including and not limited to Paul Simon, Weezer, U2, Britney Spears, Mumford and Sons, Death Cab for Cutie and Blink 182. Not to mention, Warped Tour.

5. I went to New Orleans. On an airplane. By myself. And experienced travelling and living and exploring and Bourbon Street and the glory that is ALA.

6. Then I went to New Mexico and it was glorious and snowy and magical.

Here's where I say something cheesy about what 2012 is going to be, trips to Dallas and Anaheim, graduation and so many other adventures. Hell yeah.

Sweet and Sour Chicken

2011-12-27T19:34:00.000-08:00

I have roughly 5 recipes that have been made and photographed (no lie) setting on my computer in folders just waiting for me to get my act together and post. But, because this is not a food blog and under no uncertain terms will I ever pretend that it is, I don't feel too bad.

With that being said, today we made homemade sweet and sour chicken and it was gooooodd.

I only have pictures of my portion because I left the sauce making up to my sister.

Ingredients:

4 boneless chicken breasts

salt + pepper 

1 cup cornstarch

2 eggs, beaten

1/4 cup vegetable oil

 1. Preheat the oven to 325.

 2. Take your chicken pieces, rinse them in cold water and then cut them into cubes. 

3. In a bowl, mix the 1 cup corn starch and salt and pepper. I put about a teaspoon of pepper and half a teaspoon of salt but really, the choice is yours.

3. In a separate bowl, scramble 2 eggs. 

4. Dip the chicken into the cornstarch mixture and THEN into the egg. Trust me, it works.

5. Pour the oil into a frying pan and cook the chicken over medium heat. You just want the chicken to brown, not cook all the way.

This is where I started getting a little weirded out. Because you dipped the chicken in the egg last, when you go to fry it, it looks like a giant omelety mess. I was concerned but this is normal and it turns out beautifully, I promise.

6. After the chicken has browned, put it into a greased baking dish (I used 9x13). Let the chicken hang out for a little bit while you make sauce.

Sauce ingredients:

3/4 cup sugar
4 tbs ketchup
1/2 cup vinegar
1 tbs soy sauce
1 tsp garlic salt
 
7. Mix all of the ingredients together and pour over the chicken in the baking dish. Bake the chicken for 1 hour. I flipped the chicken over every 15 minutes or so to make sure it was cooking evenly (and not sticking to my dish).

We ate it with rice and it was great, a nice combination of crispy and moist. I'd make it again.

Getting over it

2011-12-26T09:45:00.000-08:00

I have officially crossed over. I made the jump from team holiday cheer to quickly becoming team Grinch.

I even tried extra hard to go through the motions this year. I read all the holiday books, made the kids sing all the holiday songs and I even indulged in a few showings of A Christmas Story, Elf and Home Alone and yet, I just wasn't feeling it.

I think the problem is that in my head I have a a set idea of what the holidays should look like and when my outer world doesn't match up with my inner world, I get frustrated.
I'm ready to have my own house and my own family and do holidays the right way. I want the house to be full of love and fun and take a step away from the drama. I want to wake up early and cook all day and have friends over whose families are far away.

I want the magic to come back to the holidays.

I need to blog more

2011-12-21T13:19:00.000-08:00

I went to New Mexico. It was lovely.

I need to get back in the swing of this. I'm working on it, I promise.

Thanks

2011-11-24T10:04:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving this year has been nothing but stressful and disappointing. With every single plan falling through and my family being nothing short of impossible. I have thrown in the towel and have decided to hopeful try and stay in my pajamas and play the new Zelda game. Anyway, I plan on writing more about that later.

But, I have written a list of things I am thankful for every year since social networking has become a thng in my life and this is one of the only traditions I still have control over so here it is:

1. Books. Oh my goodness, I am thankful for the numerous books I've read this year that have made me think, cry, laugh and have a temporary escape from my regular life.

2. Adventures. My adventure this year changed my entire life and I can't wait for the two more I have planned in the next few months.

3. My family. Even though they are crazy, negative and not the best most of the time, they are what I've got.

4. My friends. The people that I've chosen to make my family. The best group of unique, creative, clever people and I am so thankful to have them.

5. Inside jokes.

6. Baking

7. This life.

4 days

2011-11-04T09:22:00.000-07:00

Life has been a bucket of awesome lately and to celebrate: here are 4 things I am thankful for (It being November and Thanksgiving month and all).

1. My friends. Friends are one of the only situations where quality over quantity is true. My friends are this lovely, dysfunctional group of misfits who were fortunate enough to find each other and I am so thankful that we have every single day.

2. My family. I'll be honest, they aren't great all the time but when they are, they really are.

3. Cupcakes. Well, baking as a whole but especially cupcakes. There is just something so cathartic about baking something and eating it fresh out of the oven that can turn any terrible situation around.

 {found here}

4. BOOKS. New books. Rereading old books. Book stores, libraries, thrift stores.

{found here}

The one where I quit my job

2011-08-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

So, I quit my job.

Which, if you know me at all in real life, you will know that this is something that I have been talking about for awhile now but could never justify.

And as much as I have been talking about it for awhile, it was and is and will probably always just barely be something that I truly loved. It provided me an outlook to practice my classroom management and be creative and plan events and just made me happy. It was my baby that I nurtured and it was my safe place. was.

Some unfortunate things happened. Some sad decisions were mad and I just realized that I wasn't happy anymore. If I'm not happy, I'm not going to be productive and plus, it was just time.

I had been wavering on this decision for awhile and searching high and low for any tiny bit of confidence to slip into a world that was new and boring and a little bit sad.

I knew in my heart that it was 100% time for me to just be an adult and do it when, after a terrible meeting that was just a melting pot of pettiness and unprofessionalism, I return to the office to find one of my kids with severe autism in there having a melt down.

It would be fair to say that all summer, this kid was my project. I believed in him and his family so much but sometimes, situations aren't a good fit and it has nothing to do with us or him but just the way things are.

He was crying and kicking the wall and just a trainwreck of emotions when I walked in and he looked at me, stopped screaming and said "Miss Whitney. I can't do this anymore".

That's it. No crying. No wailing just a simple "I can't do this anymore".

Now, normally it would be my natural reaction to comfort and distract him. Pull out the blocks and push his troubles away until he has forgotten about it.

But I knew it was time to quit my job when, without even thinking about; I said to him "I know honey, me either".

Me either.

So, I quit my job and that's where I am now.

Stay tuned.

Little by Little

2011-07-30T20:24:00.000-07:00

Things come and go in waves of easier and harder. Just when I feel like I've made it back to shore and things have corrected themselves, something else comes along that is harder and more difficult to deal with on my own.

I just wish I was still in New Orleans where everything was lovely and manageable. Everything was broken into small bites instead of at home where things come in large shovelfuls.

I am exhausted and feel like I can't give anything 80%, let alone the 100% that it all deserves.

Three more weeks until work slows down and the quarter is over. Now provided I passed the West-E, that should be much more tolerable but we shall see.

TIME.

2011-06-21T21:55:00.000-07:00

In 8 hours, I will get on a plane by myself. I don't do things by myself, let alone travel across the country.

But I can do this, I've got this. 

Long time no see

2011-06-18T14:19:00.000-07:00

I haven't forgotten about you sweet little baby blog. Life has just been insane and if I'm not at work or hanging out with my coworkers, I am living the life of a 20 something recluse.

But... this time next week, I will be in New Orleans just living it up and enjoying air from somewhere other than Washington. (it's 94 there right now so I don't know how much the enjoying part is true).

I can't express how stoked I am to get away from work and school and life for a few days.

The plans for the trip have become a little stressful. My friend had to change her flight and now I will be flying the whole way there by myself (Sigh) and meet her at baggage. While it sometimes seems terrifying, I'm excited for the opportunity to be independent and conquer a fear (lie. I'm scared shitless) but the payoff will be worth it and when I meet Tomie Depaola and get to tell him how this book made me decide to become a teacher, it's worth it.

I have a lotof pictures to share from when I saw U2, relay for life and some picnics and such but you know, I'm lazy and there is a star wars marathon on. I'll just leave you with this gem. I got a reminder postcard in the mail about the conference and got a little too excited.

A few quick questions

2011-05-30T13:10:00.000-07:00

1. While writing an evaluation for an instructor, is it appropriate to use the phrase "Lazy bitchface"?

2. When does adulthood start being fun? I swear it looked much better than this when I was watched "The Real World" growing up.

3. Does anyone else have a love/hate relationship with 3 day weekends? My entire schedule is thrown off and I'm not okay with that.

4. Do you want to know how many days until I go to New Orleans? YOU DO. Okay, it's 22.

Friday... fun fun fun

2011-05-06T07:43:00.000-07:00

I started two blogs this week and gave up on both of them. That's how this week has been for me. I am exhausted but it's all good things. You know?

Let's do this. If you want to play, link up here.

1. What I love most about my home is I consider it my safe zone. Everything is fine and tolerable and safe here. My bed and my bathtub are here, my books are here. It's all good.

2. I'm excited because, it's the weekend. Sure I have a lot of homework to do and I won't have a lot of time to sit around and actually soak in the weekend but I don't have to work and I'm thankful for that little gem.

3. My preferred method for blowing off steam when I'm frustrated is baking. Nothing solves a problem like turning on some music, pulling up my hair and baking.

4. Currently I am craving nothing. I just woke up and I hate eating first thing in the morning.

5. The thing I love most about my mom is she's like my own personal cheerleader.

6. If I was going to write a book about my life, the title would be True story, for a while I wanted to write a book about teaching and call it "Brace for Impact" and then this book came out and I was CRUSHED.

7. If I were to eat one thing for the rest of eternity it would be a combination of chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes smothered in brown gravy. Pure love.

Once I drag my butt out of bed, I need to do some quick homework things, make some flashcards for a test and then get to work by 10. Lameo.

2011-04-30T15:47:00.001-07:00

I am definitely ready for some introverted time.

Royal Wedding Friday

2011-04-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

I didn't get to watch the royal wedding but I did wake up first thing this morning and google a million pictures. I haven't been around to do the fill in the blanks for awhile (stupid adult life!) but I'm here now.

If you'd like to play, go to this fantastic blog here.

1. I am looking forward to my trip to NOLA, next school year (when I will be teaching third grade the entire time).

2. Something kind of embarassing that I still love anyway is the backstreet boys, I still listen to them at least once a week.

3. My favorite car is a prius. I want a prius so bad.

4. If I could pick one type of weather to live with for the rest of my life it would be sunny and bright with no humanity so my hair will be okay.

5. My favorite thing to do after a bad/stressful day is bake something, listen to music and vent .

6. This weekend I will finish the awesome book I'm reading (more about that later) and go to the Star Wars Exhibit .

7. If I were a color, I'd be purple because, it's my favorite color and I know it's meant to be.

Labels

2011-04-10T21:50:00.000-07:00

In school, we are told time and time again to ignore labels that are all too often placed on children. Often times, I will be handed a folder with 1 word scribbled on a blank. A word that's usually something like autistic, defiant, low, average, anxious, whatever it may be.

Usually, these words are meaningless to me and the people I work with. While they do have an impact on our instruction, they in no way impact the dynamics of our classroom or the community that we have worked so hard to create.

When the label of anorexic was recently placed on my little sister, I struggled with it at first. I thought of the hundreds of times when I've come across a label placed on a kid and laughed about it. Sometimes thinking something like "yeah, I'm not surprised" or "there's no way". I thought about my innate belief that labels don't define a person, they don't make up a person or change a person. They don't interfere with the way I interact with them, talk to them in the morning as we both rush to get ready for school. Labels are what we make of them, what we choose to do with them. Whatever they may be.

This label does not define my family or my sister. This does not change things or help things or hinder things. This label isn't who she is or who she will be.

This label is temporary, meaningless, passing quickly. This label is not her. Instead, it is an unwelcome visitor in my house and I am ready for it to leave.

Work

2011-04-10T11:17:00.000-07:00

There are days when I love my job and I couldn't imagine ever working anywhere else (you've heard this from me before right?) There are days when my job makes me want to cry or rather, punch someone in the face.

This week was Spring Break which means the club is open from 6-6:30. Most days I worked the 6-12 shift, one day I worked from 10-6:30 and yesterday, well... we will get to that later.

On Monday, we got to work to find out that the school fridge was broken and all the milk, snacks and ranch had gone bad. The smell was disgusting and gag worthy. We put on masks, cleaned it out and survived to tell the tale.

Tuesday through Thursday were... fine. A little stressful but nothing out of the ordinary.

But Friday. Oh Friday, you bastard.

I woke up thinking I was working 6-12:30 which is not a big deal. I had planned to spend the rest of Friday in my pajamas, watching the last season of the Tudors. Instead, the girl that is supposed to take my spot, calls in 45 minutes before she was supposed to be there and my 6 hour shifted turned into a 12 hour shift.

I don't mind the hours, I don't mind the people that I was working with or the kids (we only had 40 versus the 60-70 we had the previous few days).

But holy h, I still tired.

Instead of posting anything of substance, I'm just going to leave you with this: does anyone even remember this commercial? Oh man, I loved it.

Sunday Sweets Volume 8

2011-04-05T12:56:00.000-07:00

A little delayed but better late than never, right?

Let's see if you can pick up on the theme.

1. I am a little behind on the scarf bandwagon but in a perfect world, I would have this and wear it all year. Found here.

2. Tomorrow (If I have enough time between work and school) I am getting an iphone! I already have my heart set on this cover found here.

3. I love this print and would hang it up in my dream bedroom. Found here.

4. Along with these flowers found here.

5. This dress. Oh this dress. I would wear it on picnics and when I'm teaching and every day of my life. Found here.

Untitled

2011-04-03T09:21:00.000-07:00

I fought back and forth with this. I would write it in the middle of the night, get the words out of my system. Make peace with what's going on and then save it to my drafts and go to bed, doing what I do best and pretending it wasn't real.

But it is and as much as I want to wake up and move on and hide this part of myself and my life that is out there, that's not how the world works now, is it?

My younger sister has an eating disorder.

It started off right after the beginning of her eighth grade year. She slowly started cutting down on portions, reading labels, speaking out on what we were having for dinner. Then around Christmas time, she started reading weight loss books, cutting out things like bread, milk, cheese.

After the first of the year, she started packing only a few crackers or a few carrots for lunch. Obviously not getting enough calories for the day.

When I asked her about her new diet, she quickly got defensive (a red flag, such a huge red flag). She dropped 40 pounds in 2 months which we all tried to explain to her is unhealthy and so so dangerous.

She started commenting on things she wanted, saying things like "I don't need it, I want it but I don't need it".

She would get in fights with us, hide what she had eaten (if anything) all day from us. It got to the point where we were losing sleep, constantly worrying about her and struggling to find a safe and non threatening way to deal with what was happening right before our eyes.

Things are slowly getting better. She now has to keep a journal of the things she eats during the day, then meets with someone to talk about them. Things are getting better, but this disease is still here, living in my house.

I don't know where things will go from here, I don't know how this started or how it will end. I just know that this is my family. This is my baby sister, the light of my existence that has it in her head that for whatever reason, she is not good enough.

If you or someone you know feels this way, please get help. Know that like my sister, you have people who care about you and love you to the moon and back whether you weigh 100 pounds or 400 pounds. Know that it can and will get better.

Please.

Spring Forward

2011-03-23T21:16:00.000-07:00

*starting at the top, 1.Max Fisher puppet found here. 2. The super moon! 3. Liz Lemon puppet found here. 4. First sign of spring. 5. Amazing selection of YA literature. 6. Diet Coke and mentos at work. 7. The area surrounding my desk at work.

Summer Camp or why I can survive longer than you

2011-03-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

{link}

One of my favorite blog friends was talking on facebook yesterday about signing her stepson up for Summer camp.

At work, we are talking every. single. day (and by talking, I mean mentally preparing) for summer camp this year.

Summer camp is a HUGE thing.

But it wasn't always in my town. Growing up, my options for summer entertainment were church camps (which at the time, my parents didn't do) or these cheap classes at the community center.

Obviously my mother chose the classes because they were cheap, nearby and "practical".

My mother is the kind of person who always has my best interests at heart. My best interests according to her are almost always a little different than how I would categorize my best interests for myself.

The summer between 3rd and 4th grade, she was determined that I wouldn't sit around reading (!!!) and instead signed me up for... wood carving and a class about the water cycle.

I spent 4 weeks of my summer learning how to carve wood and identify the stages of the water cycle.

And that's why you'd pick me to be stranded with you on a desert island, right?

Life as I know it

2011-03-13T10:23:00.000-07:00

Since the last time I made my way to these parts, things have changed quite a bit. I finished Winter quarter (yessss!) and became 2nd in charge of my branch at work (stressful, awkward, potentially awesome).

Now, let's look at some pictures.

Last night was our yearly auction. We raised $75,000 and have a grant that matches everything we made dollar for dollar. As sappy and disgusting as it is to say, it was amazing to see people in the community who genuinely care about the work we are doing. At one point, they had opportunities to fund a kid. Two people in the crowd donated $10,000. How cool is that? Also, what do these people do in their life that they can donate $10,000 no question asked? I need to wrangle one of those men.

What I'm saying is that life is stressful, awkward (do you know what it's like being someone's boss while they are also being a huge d-bag? No? You don't want to find out) but not too bad.

My second favorite kind of Oscar

2011-02-27T12:42:00.000-08:00

Unless you have been living under a rock in rocksville, you know that tonight is the Academy Awards. One of the most important days of the entire year if you are me.

Here are my oscar predictions-

Leading Actor-

Will win- Colin Firth

Should win- I would cut off my pinky finger for Jesse Eisenberg to get this award. It's not just because he is my intj crush but because he deserves it. If you don't think so, just watch the scene where Eduardo says to him "You had one friend!", Jesse subtly flinches and it's the best bit of acting ON EARTH.

Supporting Actor-

Will win- Probably Geoffrey Rush although this is a category I'm not completely sold on.

Should win- Umm... Yeah. Christian Bale who I love to hate.

Leading Actress-

Will win- Natalie Portman.

Should win- Annette Bening. She's classy and lovely and in The Kids are All Riht when she sings Joni Mitchell, you just can't help but adore her.

Supporting Actress-

Will win- Helena Bonham Carter

Should win- It breaks my heart to say this but I don't think Hailee Steinfeld should even be in this category when she is very clearly a leading actress in True Grit. However, I think THIS award should be given to Helena Bonham Carter because she's quirky and delightful and did a great job hiding her real personality in her role and that's what acting is all about to me.

Animated Feature film-

Will win- Toy story 3

Should win- How to Train Your Dragon because it is everything Toy Story 3 wishes it were

Art Direction-

Will Win- Probably Inception

Should win- I'm tied on this one. I think if Inception were going to win anything, it should be this but it's about time that the Harry Potter crew get some love.

Cinematography-

Will Win- The King's Speech

Should Win- The social network. duh.

Costume Design-

Will Win- Probably The King's Speech

Should win- I am Love

Directing-

Will Win- OH LORDY, it better be David Fincher

Should win- See above.

Documentary- 

Will Win- Inside Job

Should win- Exit Through the Gift Shop. A movie I watched 3 days ago and have not stopped thinking about sense. What is art? Who is Banksy? How cool is this movie?

Documentary short subject-

Will Win- I have not seen any of these so I'm just going to randomly pick. Will win- Poster girl

Should win- see above.

Film Editing-

Will win- The King's speech

Should win- THE SOCIAL NETWORK. Hands down.

Foreign Language Film-

will win- Biutiful

Should win- Dogtooth

Makeup-

Will win- The Wolfman

Should win- The wolfman

Music-

Will win- The King's speech and its lazy score.

Should win- Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross produced a score that I have on my ipod, I love it so. If you don't believe that Trent Reznor is oscar worthy, listen to "in the hall of the mountain king" from the movie and talk to me about it again.

Music Original Song-

Will win- I see the Light from tangled

Should win- I LOVED tangled and I think it deserves this.

Best Picture-

Will win- The King's Speech

Should win- I would cry and throw up and vomit and die if the social network won. Which I believe to the bottom of my heart that it should. This movie is a snapshot of real life right now. This movie is about friendships and fitting in and doing something new and important. This movie is what every. single. movie should look like and be like. Enough said.

Short Animated Film-

Will Win- Day and Night

Should win- The Gruffalo

Short Film Live Action-

Will win- Na Wewe

Should win- Wish 143

Sound Editing

Will Win- Inception

Should win- I'm okay with Inception here.

Sound mixing-

Will win- Maybe the social network. maybe.

Should win- THE SOCIAL NETWORK FOR LIFE.

Visual Effects-

Will win- All of these movies are kind of blah. So, Inception?

Should win- HARRY POTTER.

Adapted Screenplay-

Will win- The Social Network

Should win- You know the answer.

Original Screenplay-

Will win- The King's Speech

Should win- In my dream world, this is the only thing the King's speech wins

kind of like sixteen candles

2011-02-25T19:21:00.000-08:00

{found here}

I forgot to mention, last week at my birthday dinner, the waitress went around to take everyone's order (all 15 people) and then left before she took mine.

All I could think about was how it was something that would happen in Sixteen Candles.

So excuse me while I go wait outside for Jake Ryan.

Snowy Friday

2011-02-25T07:35:00.000-08:00

If you watch the news for my area, you would know that we were supposed to get anywhere from 3-6 inches of snow in the past few days. Which is a really big deal if you are me.

I've spent an unmentionable amount of time at the window praying to sweet baby jesus that I wouldn't have to go to work/school/outside my bedroom and alas, it just never showed up.

Lame.

Now, on to the blanks. Link up here if you'd like to play.

1. I am currently obsessed with mittens. I bought a pair a few weeks ago at the mall and I sewed some cupcake buttons on them and now I refuse to leave the house without them.

2. Today I am slightly stressed and excited because, today is my current boss's last day of work, I'm anxious for what's going to happen next week/forever and excited for things to come. At least that's what I'm trying to tell myself.

3. The age I am is 22 and the age I feel is most of the time, I feel like I'm still in high school. Still dealing with the same drama and issues. But some of the time I feel like I'm 60 and everyone's mom, taking care of problems and dishing out nurture a little more than I'd like .

4. My favorite place is at home in my bed. Snuggling and warm and reading a good book.

5. Something I have been procrastinating is working on my math unit plan. It's a partner assignment and I'm just not feeling it. What started as a completely manageable project has stacked up so much, I might have 6 lesson plans to write and fancy up in a week.

6. The last thing I purchased was a sandwich last night. There was noooo way I was making dinner.

7. The thing I love most about my home is the little things I have collected over time. Framed pictures that my friends have drawn me, pictures from important days, drawings my students have made me. You know, the important stuff .

Family.

2011-02-24T18:14:00.000-08:00

{Found here}

On Wednesday of last week, I had my official birthday dinner (this is the dinner with friends, not my family dinner. That blessed event is not even worth writing about).

We went to an amazing Chinese restaurant and sat at a huge round table. It was neat to look around at the collection of people that were there. People that I brought together. My best friend's boyfriend was gossiping with my school mom who had never met before. My school best friend was whispering to my life best friend.

I looked around and thought to myself, this is my family. This weird group of people who are definitely not perfect but perfect enough for me. These people are the ones that I call on in times of catastrophe, that celebrate every single event in my life with me.

This may not be what a text book or a church or a dictionary calls a family, but it's what a family means to me.

On Wisconsin!

2011-02-21T20:06:00.000-08:00

I interrupt scheduled posting to bring you this video which I have watched and shared about 100 times in the last ten hours.

The stuff going on in Wisconsin right now is breaking my heart. I cannot wrap my mind around how this can be a solution.

To the teachers in Wisconsin, keep fighting and know that you are valued and fundamental to your state and our country and if there were any way possible, I would be there right alongside, fighting, singing and making my voice heard with all of you.

22.

2011-02-20T17:52:00.000-08:00

Last Tuesday, I turned 22.

I rang in the new year of my life with my practicum class (nothing can beat receiving a birthday book filled with pages that say "I am glad you were born because"), then ate ice cream at work and celebrated with a paper crown made by one of my work kids. At school, we had a potluck and it was lovely.

22 is going to be the best year yet. I can feel it. It is already off to a great start. 22 is the year I'm going to New Orleans, 22 is the year I'm going to make an honest attempt to start living my life, start pushing the pieces together and make something for myself.

22 is here and it's now and it's every single moment. and I'm excited to share it with each one of you.

The mature version of valentine's day

2011-02-13T21:42:00.000-08:00

Read my last V-day post here.

Growing up, I HATED Valentine's day. I thought it was a day devoted to gross lovers and girls like me were supposed to sit at home in the dark and watch reruns of Gilmore Girls.

But then, something changed. I think I can pinpoint it to the first day I spent Valentine's day (known as V-day to the cool kids, aka me) in the classroom. Those little creatures were so full of unconditional love, something swelled up inside of me. And I realized that it's not about spouse love or gross, probably doomed boyfriend love. V-day is about celebrating the people that love you. Completely, wholly. 100% without judgment.

I thought about this a lot when I went to lunch and to see Gnomeo and Juliet (seriously. don't ask) with my best friend and his boyfriend. Yeah, you read that right.

I thought about it more as he whispered things to me in the dark of the movie theater. As there was a reference that only we got and we silently looked at each other and burst into fits of giggles that would be expected from the likes of 14 year olds.

I thought about this when I saw that my mom carefully iced a line of The Social Network onto my birthday cake this year.

And some more as my best far away friend sent me a text about my favorite author.

Valentine's day is about love for all kinds and I just hope that every sad, single person this year realizes that.

Love to you all.

Glimpse into my life

2011-02-02T20:31:00.000-08:00

I have super talented and amazing friends that constantly make me feel guilty for not being nearly as talented and amazing as they are.

I have a friend that I go to whenever I am feeling ambitious and want a new profile picture.

He's done some great stuff for me (blowing bubbles, heart kisses, laughing, all of it) so we met up about a week ago and he said "what's on your mind" and naturally I said THE SOCIAL NETWORK.

and this is what he did with that...

Which makes me feel warm and fuzzy and I love it so much.

That's all. I'll return with content when midterm week is over.

Kind of a big deal

2011-01-25T22:48:00.000-08:00

Since the time I was about 5, I knew in my heart that I wanted to be a teacher. I get asked a lot if it was because I had an awesome kindergarten teacher. It's not. I had a horrible kindergarten teacher who never read to us or said nice things. She was mean and when I run into her in public, I avoid her. Even though there is no way she would recognize me.

The reason I wanted to be a teacher was because of my first grade teacher who, handed me a book called The Art Lesson. For those of you who don't know, the story is autobiographical and about a boy who wants to be an artist and his art teacher finally sees the potential in him and tells him that he can do art his way, after he does what the class is asked.

This book is one of many, many books by Tomie dePaola that I've fallen in love with and devoured and shared with countless groups of children.

This book, this book alone is what turned on the switch in my head that said, I WANT TO BE THIS TEACHER.

And... AND.

Tomie dePaola recently won something called The Laura Ingalls Wilder medal. Something that is only given out every 2 years and is kind of a big deal.

Tomie dePaola, author of the book that inspired me to become a teacher will accept his medal and will be the guest of honor at a fancy dinner... in New Orleans.

At the same Library conference that I randomly decided to go to on the other side of the country.

Tell me, if that isn't meant to be, I don't know what is.

Sunday Sweets Volume 8

2011-01-23T13:26:00.000-08:00

It has been such a long time since I've done one of these but, last week was so difficult (see, disgusting) and I need some motivation to want to leave the house and do it all again tomorrow.

1. This amazing review for The Social Network which I am still in nerd love with. Expect a giant post just about how this is a movie that defines a generation sometime sooner, did I mention my nerd love?

My favorite part of this review is this:

"The best films are rarely about just one thing, but rather that one thing as reflected through a variety of narrative prisms. And there is something to be said about a film that manages to distill an era while profoundly conveying a character study within. David Fincher’s “The Social Network” may be the quintessential story of young Machiavellian entrepreneurship in an age of streamlined communication, but it is also a story of the social disconnect that can be as galvanizing as any other source of ambition…for better or worse. "

{found here}

2. That sweet, sweet feeling of finishing your math homework. Even better is when you find out this morning that you have math homework (class was canceled last week so we just assumed that she would push things back but um, didn't) and you are done with it before noon.

3. This dress (found here). I don't know what it is about it but I just fell in love with it.

4. I recently discovered haiku bags and am completely in love. In fact, I was so smitten with them (and their clearance section) that I bought a smaller bag to take with me to New Orleans. Check them out here.

Alright, I'm off to write a few lesson plans, clean myself up and stir up some motivation for the upcoming week.

Frrriidaaayy.

2011-01-20T22:33:00.000-08:00

Oh man. This day was intense. I'm not the biggest fan of 3 day weekends because coming back from them is always hard and this week, it just seemed impossible to recover.

But, we made it through. 

I just got home from seeing a group of my kids from work in their school play. Maybe I got a little teary and maybe it was a really good reminder after a less than awesome day that all the crap work is worth it and there is nothing like being hugged after a play by a 6th grader that you've worked with since she was in 3rd grade (no really, she came to me before her Mom) because she was so happy you were there. 

Now on to the blanks. As always, link up here if you'd like to play.

1. My favorite quote is I really don't think I could ever pick one. I have a whole wall in my room filled with framed quotes. Some of my favorites are:

"I’ll tell you what I do want. I want someone who will be monogamous, and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals but knows to just shut his mouth when I’m watching Lost. And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking forks out as needed, like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms like a damn Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me, even when I’m old. And that’s what I want”. –Liz Lemon

"Reading is the ultimate weapon, destroying ignorance, poverty and despair before they can destroy us. A nation that doesn't read much doesn't know much. And a nation that doesn't know much is more likely to make poor choices in the hom...e, the marketplace, the jury box and the voting booth. And those decisions ultimately effect an entire nation, the literate and the illiterate." -Jim Trelease

"It was a matter of perspective, I began to see.
The whole world was crazy; I'd flattered myself by assuming I was a semifinalist." -Wally Lamb

2. A bad habit I have is oh boy. I wash my hands a lot. Like, too much. I also twirl my hair when I'm really nervous or in an uncomfortable situation.

3. The first time I felt like a "grown up" was probably writing a check or paying a bill. I can talk about the most recent time and that was teaching writing today!

4. Weekends are my recharge time. My time to have a sleepover with my favorite friend and deal with life.

5. When I was a child I wished my name was Kimberly, just like the pink power ranger. .

6. I wish I could make things better. I wish I could make everyone happy. I wish I had a better job, that I was done with school, that I was thinner, smarter and better. I wish that I had more time or time would slow down. I wish I could stay in bed tomorrow and read a book.

7. A secret I have is I love being single. Except for on Valentine's day and New Year's Eve. Those are the only days it bothers me .

Instead of Content

2011-01-19T09:24:00.000-08:00

Oh man.

Life lately has been a careful balance of disgusting and awesome. Isn't that how it always is?

Instead of writing something miserable (WORK! SCHOOL! LIFE!) I'll just share with you the best minute of film from the year.

I'm so kind.

Happy Friday!

2011-01-14T10:35:00.000-08:00

The fact that this week is already over is amazing to me simply for the fact that thanks to the snow, I only had to work 3 days. This weekend is going to be full of homework (expect to hear about that later) and hopefully a sleepover but my life has been slightly shuck up recently, in an okay way (also, expect to hear about this later) so I'm not really sure.

Now... on to the blanks.

As always, link up here if you'd like to play along.

1. I feel happy when I'm teaching, seeing a movie with a friend or having a late night conversation about life.

2. I get silly when it hits a certain point at night and I'm still in class. Who would have thought that being in a math class at 9 at night would give a group of adults the giggles.

3. Something that makes me sad is when I find out about my student's backgrounds. Usually heartbreaking and they don't really prepare you for that in college.

4. Something that makes me annoyed is people who don't do their portion of group work, teachers who lay on tons of complicated math homework and how difficult it has been to find someone to do my peer observation.

5. A time that I've been truly surprised was I'm really not sure. Is it sad to say that I can't think of one?

6. I am so thankful for my friends who deal with me being a giant train wreck all the time. My host teacher who is the most patient, understanding and wise human being on Earth .

7.  I feel loved when    friends want to make plans with me (I'm usually the plan maker). When someone asks me about school or my life or just does something that shows me that they care.

Lost

2011-01-12T08:56:00.000-08:00

{found here}

We got around 5 inches of snow last night which have been beyond exciting if it wasn't for the small fact that I had to drive home from school when around 2 inches were already on the ground.

It was a terrible drive, with several points where I couldn't see where the road stopped and started at all. At one point, I contemplated just pulling over and just staying in the car until the storm passed, whenever the storm passed.

I'm bringing this up because while my life flashed before my eyes and I was pretty sure this snow storm was going to be the end of me, all I could think was "it's okay, Whitney. You saw how Lost ends, you've lived your life".

And that's how my brain works.

The one about NOLA Part 2

2011-01-10T22:07:00.000-08:00

{found here}

So, her solution to my constant depression and annoyance with my 60 year old existance was for me to go to New Orleans. Not just to wander aimlessly but to go to the ALA conference.

At first, I just laughed it off. Knowing that there is no way on Earth, I would do this.

Being ENFP and adorable as all shit, she told me to make a list of all the reasons why I didn't want to go and what I was afraid of.

Well, the list looked like this:

1. Getting Lost

2. Getting Lost

3. Being homesick.

Really, Whitney? Really.

So, we talked about it at length and she told me to buy my plane ticket and she would meet me in the airport.

I just had to buy the ticket and everything would be golden from there.

I could do that. I can do that. I did do that.

Now my plane ticket is purchased (I'm leaving at 6 in the morning and stopping in Denver before finally making it there at 1). I'm registered for the conference (I even get a super cool badge with my name printed on it all fancy like).

It's happening.

Now, I just need to make it to June.

The one about NOLA Part 1

2011-01-08T22:00:00.000-08:00

{found here}

I'm going to New Orleans in June.

Just in case you have missed the 27, 000 posts about it since I made the decision a few weeks ago.

One night, I was on facebook chat (where dreams are made) with one of my favorite people on Earth. This person is a super cool librarian and the person I want to be when I grow up.

I was complaining to her about how unhappy I am with my life. Just the fact that I have been in school for 17 years straight (REALLY) and have never gone on an adventure of any sort. The past year or so, I've just really felt like an adventure was in order.

Her solution? "Just come to New Orleans with me". No big deal.

Except that it is a big deal. Everything is a big deal for me.

Exhale

2011-01-07T21:53:00.000-08:00

I haven't written a whole lot about the week after Christmas (see amazing) because it all feels so self centered and like my life resemebled a snow globe, which it isn't and it definitely doesn't.

Here's what you need to know. Out of the 8 days following Christmas, I only slept in my own bed once.

Not in the skanky fun way, but in the oh man, I'm away from my family and spending time with my friends who are much more my family in every sense of the word way.

Needless to say, it was amazing to have the opportunity to be away from life before this week started and we hit in the ground running both in my classroom and in third grade.

**I also want to say hi to my new followers. I'm excited that you are here! Please feel free to ask any questions and leave me a message or a comment introducing yourself.

Fill in the blanks

2011-01-07T10:14:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I've done one of these. As a reward for finishing my math homework first thing this morning, here it is. If you're interested, find it and link up here.

1. Winter is my favorite. I love wearing jackets and scarves. I love the constant possibility of snow. It's great.

2. Summer is completely lovely but definitely the worst time of year to be stuck in school.

3. If it were summer instead of winter right now I'd go on an adventure. Well, I'd make a sad attempt at finishing my homework for this week then go on an adventure.

4. My favorite thing to do in winter is bake something amazing. The oven makes the house warm and I can watch the rain/snow from inside. Perfect.

5. My favorite thing to do in summer is bonfires. For sure.

6. The ideal outfit for a sunny summer day is skirts, sandals, tank tops and a sweatshirt. It's Washington, a sweatshirt is a must.

7. The ideal outfit for a frigid winter day is lots of layers. Comfy jeans. A scarf.

This weekend, I have 2 books I plan to read, a sleepover tentatively planned for tomorrow night and a lot of recovery time. Getting back into the routine this weekend has been rough.

2010

2010-12-31T09:28:00.000-08:00

January: This is one of the only pictures on my computer from January. I'm going to assume that January was the month that I got my feet under me (Get it, get it).

February: February made up for it 100%. I turned 21 and had an amazing birthday party and went on a girl date with my mom to see Billy Joel and Elton John.

March: March brought a sweet girl date to Seattle complete with the Seattle Public Library, milkshakes and conversations about life by the fountain.

April: Trips to the farmer's market, fancy cupcakes and picture taking adventures.

May: Roadtrips to Olympia for their amazing farmer's market and awesome street art.

June: Feeding the ducks, one of many awesome cloudy skies and seeing Eclipse at midnight.

July: Fireworks, bonfires, 80's parties and the first of many, many sleepovers.

August: Field trips, more bonfires and sleepovers, a trip to the aquarium, mile long hikes and a trip to La Push (but not the scary trip, that will come later).

September: Day trips to Seattle, Forks, a near death camping experience in La Push and Lisa Frank birthday parties.

October: Pumpkin patch, Halloween cupcakes and my fancy nancy costume

November: Winter crafts dates, seeing Harry Potter at midnight, cupcakes and the first snow storm of the year.

December: A trip to see the picasso exhibit at the seattle art mueseum, ruby slippers, hot chocolate made with love and of course, Christmas.

It's been a fantastic year. Don't get me wrong, it was filled with just as much bullshit as one would expect to take place in 365 days but... I've gone to new places, met new people, gotten closer to becoming a teacher, grew up, slowed down and lived life more than I ever have before.

So, 2010, I'll miss you and always be a little fond of you but I am so so ready to see what kinds of kickass things your younger, cooler brother, 2011 has in store for me.

2011

2010-12-29T12:30:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I talked about how much I hate new year's eve and how I am beyond ready for 201 to just be here already.

Here are a few reasons why I am 100% sure that 2011 is going to be a kick ass year.

{Found here}

1) I will turn 22. This makes me slightly older, slightly wiser and further away from my disgusting teen years.

{found here}

2) Bumped by my favorite YA author forever and all time, Megan McCafferty is coming out. It's been described as a cross between Heathers and The Handmaid's Tale. Which in my opinion, is one of the most delightful descriptions of all time. I've already written about this book here. Even better, I contacted Megan about a conference I am going to next Summer and not only did she write back (!!) but she said she is hoping to go. Which brings me to point #3.

{found here}

3) ALA Annual Conference in New Orleans. I've talked at great lengths about how badly I want to (and need to) just go away for a little while. One of my closest friends is a youth services librarian and invited me to go with her in June. Not only is it the perfect time (5/6 days is the perfect amount for my first adventure) but I'm going somewhere that is all about books. SO SO Excited.

{found here}

4) U2. I was supposed to see them this year but then Bono got hurt and our concert was rescheduled. In case you are new here, U2 is my favorite band and I saw them once already in 2005. It's probably going to be the second best night of my life. I just can't wait.

Anti New Year

2010-12-28T20:07:00.000-08:00

{found here}

I don't like New Year's Eve.

In fact, it is my least favorite holiday of the year more or less.

I don't like the weird social pressure to go to a party or have a significant other to ring in the new year with. I don't like the weird feeling of knowing that this year is over, this year that I am just now finally getting comfortable with, finally becoming friendly with.

I don't like any obligation to feel nostalgic, to focus on where I've come and more importantly, where I still need to go.

I just want the year to start off silently, sneak in while I'm sleeping and be ready for me when I'm ready for it.

That's how it should be. But if I've learned anything in my 21 years of life (and after celebrating 20 lame new year's eves), how things should be and how things are, are usually 2 entirely different things.

Candace.

2010-12-26T16:47:00.000-08:00

My sister and I are a little different.

And by a little, I mean 100% completely different.

I like things to be loud, right on the line of inappropriate and hilarious. I live by the philosophy that the darker and weirder something is, usually the better.

My sister is serious, conservative and straight laced.

While I've known that I've always been meant to work with the under 8 crowd, she has always wanted to be a nurse or medical researcher.

But because we spend so much time together, I often forget just how different we are.

Until something happens and holy shit do I remember.

We both spent huge portions of Christmas day with our noses in our new books (SEE! THE SAME).

My book is It's Kind of a Funny Story. One of the best books that I've read all year (not the mention the movie was pretty fantastic).

A story of a depressed 15 year old who contemplates killing himself but instead checks himself into a mental hospital. The teen flood is being renovated so he instead, spends his time with the just as crazy adults.

Did I mention that it's wonderful?

Her book? Her book is Reshaping it All written by Candace Cameron.

CANDACE CAMERON.

So yeah, we are just a little different. But different is good, right?

Merry Christmas

2010-12-24T10:03:00.000-08:00

Christmas is the time of year where you find a really good hiding spot, fill a bag full of books and pretend like you are not related to the people you are forced to interact with.

Wait, you mean, that's not what you are supposed to do every year? Damn it.

Happy Holidays everyone.

I hope that whatever you celebrate, however you celebrate, the next couple of days are filled with magic, jokes and love.

Plain and Simple

2010-12-21T19:27:00.000-08:00

{Found here}

Most days, my job is tolerable. Not the best but definitely not the worst.

Sure, the kids that I work with are mostly from horrible home lives and it bothers me so much that a lot of the time, I stay up at night worrying about them and wishing that the power of my positive thinking would rescue them from whatever hell they are living in.

And sure, I work with some of the biggest idiots on the face of the planet. But most of them have wonderful intentions and really are in it with the long term goal of making the lives of children better.

On a normal day, it is entirely possible to have several break through moments. Moments that make me feel so good about the work that I'm doing. Moments that make all the struggles worth it.

But today. HOLY HELL. Today was entirely empty of all of these moments.

They were ALL little monsters. 

I had a child bite off his fingernail and SPIT it at me.

Lucky for me, I have 4 more days before the reasoning tool of "SANTA IS WATCHING YOU" stops working.

on being a grinch

2010-12-20T19:13:00.000-08:00

I don't mean to bah hum-bug the shit out of this situation but I am really not feeling Christmas this year. Don't get me wrong, I've gone through all of the motions. I've baked Christmas cookies, watched Christmas movies, tried to go Christmas shopping but none of this is making me feel better about the looming holiday.

I think one of the saddest things that has happened to me as an adult is the day that I realized that the holidays aren't all they are hyped up to be. As a child, I could not wait until Christmas eve. I love the way my family all gathered together. Everything just seemed sparkly and magical on this day. The past couple of years (this year especially) the holidays seem like a chore. Just another event to get through.

Growing up, I just wanted to be an adult already, now I would give anything to just go back.

On being that girl

2010-12-12T11:46:00.000-08:00

Listen: I know everything is cyclical, and in the scheme of things I am actually very lucky. I know that everyday, I am closer and closer to becoming a teacher, the one and only thing I have ever wanted to do with my life.

I know that I have been down before and gotten myself back up and all that. I know.

But oh man. Lately.

The last week or so has been pretty gross. And by gross, I mean terrible.

This is why I haven’t been here lately and why if you’ve seen me in person recently, I haven’t been fully there either.

Where I have typically operated well under pressure, this is a new kind. This is a headaches and panic attacks in the middle of the night kind.

I found myself in an ugly spot Friday night. In a fight with one of the only people on this Earth who truly gets it, but our worlds collided and collided hard. I found myself in his kitchen, drinking water and reminding myself to breathe.

That's what my life is right now. Constant battles and tough times.

I have three weeks off of school to restart and recharge and just be okay.

I can get myself out of it, and I know that I will. Just one dumb little foot in front of the other.

Thanks kid.

2010-12-03T13:03:00.000-08:00

{found here}

I haven't really written about work or teaching in a while. Probably because it eats up all of my energy and by the time I get home, I am so pleased to be with adults that I only want to talk about adult things like you know, the stock market and what happened on this week's episode of Glee.

Anyway, this week we have transitioned into loading up on every Winter craft/writing/anything ever made.

On Tuesday, we (we being myself and a group of about 20 K-2nd graders) were brainstorming and making a list of our favorite parts about Winter when a child said "Santa".

Immediately, another child started blurting.

"NO, NO. My dad says Santa isn't real. It's just the parents that try and trick kids".

Uhhh. Thanks kid, thanks a lot.

Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T22:05:00.000-08:00

Every year since I started blogging, I would slave over a list of all the specific things I was thankful for.

I had every intention of doing this again this year (especially now that the power is back after almost 24 hours and I have so so much to be thankful for) but I changed my mind.

I went to the movies with one of my closest friends tonight. The person I talk about almost the most, the person who I barely knew before this Summer and now we spend huge chunks of each day gossiping and giggling and speaking our own language of codes and nicknames.

At one point during the movie (I can't remember what point exactly because it happens at least 10+ times for every movie we see, which is a lot), something was said and we just looked at eachother in the dark and busted out laughing.

This is what I'm thankful for.

Friends that understand each other on a level that can only be called instinctual.

People that geniunely, deeply understand me and that care just as much.

I'm thankful for movies, the ones that I watch with someone and the ones that I watch alone. Especially the ones that mean the world to me and I run to when I'm sad or disappointed.

I'm thankful for the dozens of books I have read this year (especially the three I read during the time without power). For having the ability to take me away from life when I need to step away and for generating discussion about topics that so badly need to be discussed.

I'm thankful for the little things that get me through each day and the reminders in my life that I'm on the right track.

Lastly, I'm thankful for this year. For being difficult at points and perfect at others. For bringing me one step closer to becoming the person I know I am meant to be.

Happy Thanksgiving :)

SNOW DAY

2010-11-22T11:48:00.000-08:00

I don't have to go to work today. It's snowing.
I'm so excited I might cry and throw up.

Seriously.

2010-11-10T22:26:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, my Wednesday night class ended. Freeing up Wednesday was amazing and it quickly turned into my "go out to dinner then sit and talk about life night".

Tonight, we got teriyaki and this is what my fortune cookie said:

"Things are not always what they seem. It's not that bad!"

How perfect is that? 

I promised.

2010-11-09T22:02:00.000-08:00

I promised myself that I wouldn't abandon this when things turn ugly and sad. I promised that I'd write on the days when I feel bad without a set reason.

I don't want you to think that everything is always fine because it isn't, a lot of the time.

Things upset me, teaching is hard and a lot of the time, I feel like there is no one who is consistent or who cares enough to throw me a life raft when I feel like I'm drowning.

It's hard to get this feeling out of your head and the minute you let it creep in, it's here to stay for a long time.

So, I'm working on it. Constantly but right now, it's here and I just need to deal with it.

I need to sleep it off and find the things that are nice and that make me happy. I need to remember that it's possible to feel better even if that seems a million miles away.

Reviews

2010-11-07T10:37:00.000-08:00

This weekend has been full of movies and books.

Friday night, we left work, got chinese for dinner and made it in time to see Never Let Me Go (last week we saw It's Kind of a Funny Story and barely made it in time because of having to close at Work).

Never Let Me Go is dark and depressing. It's fantastic, but not the movie you want to see if you want to feel good about life. It's beautifully done and we both enjoyed it.

The part we didn't enjoy however was when we were going to leave the movie theater and all the lights in the lobby were off and the doors were locked. Yeah, that's right, we were locked inside a movie theater. We outwitted the serial killer that was apparently trying to get us and made it out alive though.

We decided not to see Due Date and instead came home. We are going to see that tonight though so I'll talk about it later.

Yesterday we watched Pushing Daisies the first part of the day. Like Arrested Development, Pushing Daisies is another show that was taken off the air much too soon. Also, if you are into MBTI, it is the biggest NF show I've ever watched in my life. We decided to leave the house around 3 and one of our stops was Costco to buy books and eat dinner (what you don't go to costco to buy books and eat dinner? lame).

I bought Room by Emma Donoghue(I have been dying to read it and am currently #54 in line to get it at the library so I broke down and bought it). So far it is intense but amazing. I can't put it down. (In fact, I'm so into this story and the way it's told that I stopped reading "The Screwed Up Life of Charlie the Second" which is also dark and hilarious, to read this).

I also bought Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk by David Sedaris. Who is delightful and beyond hilarious.

We then decided to watch Temple Grandin. I had already seen it but he hadn't. It's amazing. I can't stress how amazing this movie and her story is. Amazing enough that both of us liked it, which is rare. Claire Danes is one of my favorite actresses to begin with and this story already hits close to home because we work with 3 children have autism every day.

My plans for the day are to finish up Room, work briefly on my art unit plan (my group is doing Chinese New Year, so it shouldn't be too awful) and then go see Due Date tonight.

Oh boy

2010-11-05T09:52:00.000-07:00

I am definitely over this week. Things just have not been going my way. Work is difficult *to say the least* school is frustrating and seeminly pointless and I keep having disagreements with people that I never fight with.

I have arthritis in my left arm and it has been hurting so bad recently. I hate having to constantly take some kind of pain reliever but I don't know what else to do.

Things are just frustrating right now. But the finish line of this week is so so near.

Tonight I'm see two movies. One that I'm so so excited to see and have been waiting for (the bummer about living where i do is that we rarely ever get movies that aren't widely released but we have an aweosme theater that tries to fix this) and the second is really not my choice but I love seeing movies in the theater so I'm content with going along for the ride.

The first is Never Let Me Go which is not only one of the best pieces of Dystopian Fiction (my favorite genre) that I've ever read but it's about clones and organ donation!

The second is Due Date which I'm pretty meh about but oh well.

Ok, that's all I've got.

What I'm Excited About

2010-11-03T08:24:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things ever is books (duh).
Another one of my favorite things is when you know a book is coming out and you get to wait for it. For me, the build up is the best. The first moment when you get that book in your hands is so so sweet.

A few examples that I can think of are definitely the wait and release of the 7th Harry Potter Book, MockingJay and Perfect Fifths.

The next time will definitely be when I get a copy of Bumped in my hands for the first time.

Megan McCafferty's books made my life make sense when I was in the gross phase otherwise known as junior high and high school. Her main character was funny, snarky, sad and different in all the best ways possible.

I was so sad when that series was over, it felt like saying goodbye to an old friend but knowing that I'm going to meet a new friend, one who is probably a whole lot different but still just as good is one of the best feelings in the world (one of, not THE, considering that getting my student loans paid off magically or meeting Anderson Cooper would always probably win).

*The point of this blog is to not only win an ARC but to warn you that when this book comes out in April, you probably won't be hearing from me until it's done*

november

2010-11-01T11:24:00.000-07:00

It's November!

Which means, that it's that blog everyday challenge thing. Which I've pretty much already given up on.

It's sad when you build up a day so much and then it ends up significantly different than how you thought it would. That's what Halloween was like for me.

But now that it's November, it is so dangerously close to the Christmas season!

I love all things Christmas, I love red starbucks cups, Christmas crafts, christmas music, twinkly lights, all of it.

The powers that be.

2010-10-26T08:13:00.000-07:00

This week at work, the kids get out at 12:40 instead of 3:40. This leaves us with three extra hours, Just in case you didn't do the math.

I got into work yesterday to find out that neither one of my site coordinators thought about a plan or the fact that we might need you know, an idea as to what we are going to do with the children.

Oh yeah, add that to the fact that the power kept going on and off and we had 74 kids (which is 15ish more than normal and also put us 14 children over ratio. Oh and we also only ordered snack for 50, no big deal right?).

The day was stressful and annoying and just plain ugly.

But then, by the powers that be. My Monday night class was canceled and instead of having to work through this gross day and then go to school, I got to go to my friend's house.

We made spaghetti and we made a plan and we talked about life and our job and how so weirdly similar we are yet so so different.

We talked for six hours straight and we didn't turn on the tv once (which is rare for us) and I just feel so much better now.

It's amazing how much better it is being miserable when you have someone to be miserable with.

Yup.

2010-10-24T10:12:00.000-07:00

For Halloween this year, I am being Fancy Nancy.

Control your mind or let your mind control you

2010-10-03T10:29:00.000-07:00

{found here}

In October of last year, a few horrible, sad, stressful things happened to me.

The person who was supposed to be my best friend, confidant and everything else decided to make a shitty choice and move out. Putting space between us (both metaphorically and literally) that we would never learn how to deal with.

At first, my entire world came to a screeching halt. Sometimes, I still can't make sense of the pieces that were handed to me without any directions on what to do with them.

Ever since this happened, I have been working on making the choice. I can either control my mind or let my mind control me. I can either decide to deal with this hands on, 100% without holding back or I can hide away and wait for the universe/god/whatever higher being you believe in to tell me what to do and where to go next in my life.

I have been trying so hard to control my mind, to not let the darkness creep in and to do my best with a situation that, a year later, still gets the best of me.

But I believe in my heart that in order to heal effectively, in order to build healthy, strong relationships of any type, sometimes I need to let my mind control me just slightly. I need to give a name to the emotions that I'm feeling and I need to communicate it with the people around me.

So, last October, things were bad. This October, things are going to be so much better. I just know it.

Forks

2010-09-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

A few weekends ago, I went to Forks.

It was rainy and tacky and SO. MUCH. FUN.

You don't have to be a Twilight fan to appreciate the over the top-ness that is Forks. But I like to do things 100%.

2010-09-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Mom,

Happy Birthday!

Thanks so much for everything you do.

For taping Clue on to a VHS when I was little because it was my favorite movie, even back then.

For playing school with me and even doing fake homework so I could fake correct it when I was younger. 

For laughing at all of my jokes and (at least trying) to understand all of my fears.

Happy Birthday Mom.

I love you more than you'll ever know.

Filled to the brim.

2010-09-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

Oh Boy.

I have so much I want to tell you.

There has been some serious emotional things going on, at work and in life that I just need to pour out. I've tried so many times but I don't even know where to begin.

Just know that I need some positive thoughts sent this way and I need to be reminded to stand my ground and do what I know is best.

On another note, this is my last weekend of Summer and I am beyond sad about letting it go.

This has been the best Summer of my life so far. As cliche as it sounds.

I've seen and done so many things that were amazing and perfect and exactly what I needed and wanted.

I've met people who now have huge roles in my life and I've bonded with people who I've known for awhile but never took the time to actually get to know.

I'm so sad that this is over and I'm not happy with the fact that I'm going to have to get used to a whole new routine. I'm trying so hard to be accepting of everything that is to come and be optimistic. If this Summer was so amazingly sweet, what are the Summers to come going to be like?

For now, I'm going to drink up the last few moments and get ready to hit the ground running on Monday.

No matter what's coming, I'm fairly confident that I've got this.

Of course.

2010-09-09T10:57:00.000-07:00

And just like that, the world came crashing down again.

But I'm just going to continue doing what I do best and pretend that it's not happening.

Did I tell you that I went camping in La Push?

 It was an adventure, to say the least.

Did I tell you that I have the best friend/coworker/soul twin on Earth? Because he gets it and is willing to stay up until 1 in the morning making a plan for how we are going to make our so so shitty job, mildly okay.

Did I tell you that we hiked to see a waterfall and it was amazing?

Did I tell you that while work and student teaching may be less than awesome, there are some many beautiful, hilarious moments. I'm just going to pretend that the darkness doesn't exist. That in my world, I'm in La Push with my feet in the water and nowhere near work.

That's the best plan, right?

What I've been up to

2010-09-04T15:56:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I keep saying that I'm going to be around more and write about important things but, the weather has been nice and I've only had to work a little bit this week so we took this show on the road and on Tuesday, went to the Seattle aquarium and on Thursday, we went to the Seattle Art Museum.

Tomorrow, I am going camping for the first time ever. I'm terrified but I also think it will be a lot of fun. I'll be sure to share pictures and stories, if I survive.

Dear Cohort 26,

2010-09-01T15:59:00.000-07:00

I was asked tonight to talk to the new cohort that is starting the teaching program that I started last year.

I remember last year how terrifying it was to go to my orientation. I remember not having a clue what to expect and being so beyond excited that this new chapter in my life was beginning.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I want to say to the new group as they begin this (slightly difficult and painful) journey.

Here's what I want to say to these people but won't:

1. It is about to get really hard. You are going to feel stupid, you are going to feel overwhelmed and you are going to probably cry. But you are not alone.

2. Every single thing you need to know about teaching, you are going to learn by teaching and not from sitting in the classroom.

3. HAVE FUN. For all that is right and holy, have fun. Drink up every single fun, beautiful moment that happens because towards the middle of the quarter it's going to feel like having fun and being happy is not a possiblity.

4. Don't let the bastards grind you down.

On Being Disappointed

2010-08-31T10:36:00.000-07:00

This is a blog about a real life situation with a real life person. I hate talking about people who don't know that this blog exists for the simple reason that I would die of shame if they ever found out.

There is someone I go to school with, someone who I considered a really good friend of mine, someone I look up to and admire for working hard to take care of her family and still go to school at night.

But then a few weeks ago, she dropped the bombshell that she is getting a divorce. My heart broke into a million pieces because I don't want her or her kids to hurt. I can't imagine how hard it would be to continue school and deal with this.

Then my heart broke a little more because she told me that the root of this divorce was her new boyfriend.

I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. It wrecked my heart that this person who I adore to the ends of the earth, who I want to grow up and be like, had an affair.

I'm not passing judgment or saying that the divorce is all her fault, I just want to talk about how much it upset me to hear that someone I thought I knew so well could do something like this.

It sucks being disappointed in someone.

It sucks even more that I have to continue going to school with her and am trapped in a setting where voicing my opinion is not appropriate or welcomed. I want to tell her how let down I am in her. How it drives me crazy that she's not fighting for her family or even stopping to think about what is best for her kids.

So, that's where I am with this situation. Disappointed and completely let down by her and the universe for letting this happen.

Weekend Wrap-Up

2010-08-29T15:40:00.000-07:00

Oh weekend. You have been amazing. Except for the whole dropping the phone in the ocean part. But I'm okay with being without a phone until Tuesday, right? Right :/

Friday night we went out to dinner and saw the play version of footloose. We even got dressed up. I have pictures but they are on my broken phone. boo.

Dinner was fantastic and we got done early so we walked around the waterfront and went on the observation deck that is right on the water. It was awesome because we talked about books and life but even more awesome because someone had already been up there and had written "TUPAC" in big pink chalk letters. Tupac? Really?

The play was nice, I'm not really a play person. Mostly because I LOVE talking through things and have a lot to say all the time.

We came home to find that the power is out so we hung out in the dark and slept on the floor because we were pretty convinced that a killer was lurking outside.

Then we got up at 5:45 to drive 3 hours to the beach. I slept almost the entire time. No lie. I'm so much fun on car rides.

Then we got to forks. Which was really cool, if Twilight is something that you are into.

But we did see some deer!

Then we hiked 23083 miles. Carrying all of our belongings *not an exaggeration at all* but after mile 23082, we finally got a glimpse of the beach!

The most exciting part of this trip was the fact that there was something that looked JUST LIKE the four toed statue from Lost.

We fell asleep at the beach and now the back of my legs is so super sun burnt and uncomfortable. For real.

Also, I can't get a new phone until Tuesday, I'm not sure I'm going to survive until then.

My plan for the rest of the day is to relax and read. I'm reading "By the River Piedra I sat Down and Wept" by Paulo Coelho and it's amazing. I'll talk more about it later.

Alright, I'm off. Catch you all in a few days :)

5:52

2010-08-26T19:09:00.000-07:00

{source}

holy moly.

The last week has been amazing. I went shopping on Monday, had a sleepover on Tuesday, last night I went with one of my favorite people to see The Kids Are All Right, afterwards we got dessert and played the "would you rather" game. Today, we got up and helped a mutual friend move into her new classroom (she is teaching 1st grade this year and her classroom is the sweetest place on Earth, no lie). Tomorrow night, we are getting dressed up to go see Footloose and on Saturday, we are getting up and going to La Push. Well, to be honest, the boys are going to surf and swim and I'm going to sit on

the beach and take pictures and read.

It has been the best alternative to the crazy weeks leading up to this but now I'm at the point where I can't imagine having to return to the chaos of the real world. Not having classes at night has been so relaxing and perfect. Come the middle of September, I'm going to need a lot of reassurance that going back to school is the right thing to do (I'll let you decide if I'm kidding or not).

I'm back!

2010-08-23T19:41:00.000-07:00

Hi loves!

Summer camp is over and school is over for now and I am officially back.

Things have been beyond crazy the past nine weeks but we made it through and I'm alive to tell countless hours worth of stories about kids and parents and coworkers.

This morning was the first morning in pretty much forever that I didn't have to get up early(!!!).

Yesterday a few of my favorite friends and former coworkers had a picnic and went for a hike. It was amazing to be able to stay up late and hang out knowing that I wouldn't have hell to pay in the morning.

This Summer did not turn out at all how I thought it would. School was harder than I thought and it was less than awesome having to make time to do things on my lunch break and the few hours I would have between work and school. My coworkers for the most part were amazing and just what my life needed.

It's insane when you first meet people, you never know what role they are going to play in your life.

Life's like that you know?

I'll leave you with pictures from our hike yesterday and just let me say, it's going to be so nice to have time to blog on a regular schedule.

Just in case you missed it

2010-08-14T22:04:00.000-07:00

Just in case you missed it, the other 23832 times I've talked about it, I don't do change well.

It definitely bums me out when things will be going well and there is a routine that I'm comfortable with and that makes me feel stable and happy with life. But eventually, that comes to an end and I'm left in a slump and feeling unsure how to help myself feel better.

What I'm trying to tell you is that as hectic and stressful as everything has been with work and school, I love the way things are right now and the friends that I've made and it's breaking my heart that in a week it's all going to come to an end.

I hate worrying about whether or not I will still see people. I hate change and the emotions it brings.

blah.

Surprise!

2010-08-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

I bet you had no clue that you were friends with a unicorn.

See, a few weeks ago I got my hair cut. Now, I have bangs. Bangs that I have no clue how to style.

Today, i gave up. Put on a headband and embraced my inner unicorn. If this doesn't get me a boyfriend, I don't know what will.

Unicorn.

Don't you wish you were me

2010-08-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I worry about how much you guys want to live my life. I mean, it's full of really awesome moments.

Like the time I did a group project with an adult who has a small child trapped inside there body (seen here), The time when we accidentally fed the kids moldy bagels at work (here), the time when I did 230823 things in one day (here), and most importantly when I lost a friend because I talked crap about Avatar (here).

But today something happened that was even more exciting and better than all that other stuff. Today i got these in the mail, ON THE SAME DAY!

BILLS FOR $15,000 and I still have two more years of school to go.

I know you want to trade lives guys, but there's no way I'm letting go of my awesome life. Especially now that I owe the government more money than I've made the entire time I've been alive.

Yeah, about that.

2010-08-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

{Found here}

Aside from losing a friend over Avatar (see here), Things in my little corner of the world have been difficult and frustrating beyond belief.

Things have been so overwhelming for me and I'm not even sure why. Problems that would normally not upset me in the least have been upsetting me more than they should. I just want people to work harder and do better and when that doesn't happen, it just really upsets me.

It's been a week of high highs and low lows but I know I only have 3 weeks left working with the most amazing people on the planet (well, most of them are at least) and I'm trying so hard to make the most of each and every moment.

But I'm here and I'm surviving and I know that this is just another chapter in the half decent book that is my life.

Sunday Sweets Volume 7

2010-08-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

Hi. I'm mixing it up a little bit and instead of posting things I've found online that I like, here are some sweet moments from my life lately...

*all photos are taken from my cell phone and snatched from my mobile uploads folder on facebook.

Every night that I have class, the sprinklers come on at 6:48 and it makes me so happy inside. On Thursday, we had our break at the same time and we sat outside and ate our dinner right by them. It was perfection.

Look at how perfect and polka dotty those clouds are.

I know this one is blurry but last Sunday my coworker and I (who is so perfect and awesome and quickly becoming one of my favorite people ever) went to dinner and a movie. His fortune cookie said "Let the light of your soul shine forth for others to benefit". Mine said something lame about financial hard times and making it through, practically implying that I don't have to worry about money because I'm going to be living with my parents forever. No lie.

Last week we had a camp out and favorite coworker hung up these lights across the tent and it made the tent glow purple (which happens to be my favorite color) and it was amazing.

Last week in my social studies class, we had a class auction (we are learning about multi-age classrooms and different strategies we could use to teach life skills, an auction and classroom money system being one of them) and I bought this awesome, wonderful crown that I proceeded to wear the entire rest of the night. I got out bid on a peter pan hat and sword though :(

In math this week, we learned about place value and how to show place value concepts using tiles and beans. Being the mature, future teacher that I am, I made a castle for my bean people.

Another one of the things we did in math class was had to make a home for a number family. We made a castle, including a pegasus.

lastly, this is my favorite thing on Earth. It's a note about how I am a good teacher. The part that makes my heart sing is how "sometimes, she is very very silly". This makes life worth it.

This story is 100% true

2010-07-30T22:51:00.000-07:00

Last night in my social studies class, I went on and on and on about how much I hate the movie Avatar. Really. I hate it.

Someone suggested that we should watch it because right now we are learning about native americans and how they were forced from their homes and stripped of their lives so the white explorers could make money for their land (no really, this is what the girl said in my class who suggested we watch Avatar).

I said hell no. Not only is that a copyright violation which we spent TWO weeks learning about but Avatar sucks and is the most boring, overrated piece of cinema of all time.

I meant it not in a debate way but in like a, please let me recommend movies that don't blow kind of way. I think her point was awesome and this would be a great tool to make real life connections for students. But NOT for adults who pay to be in class and can watch this movie on their own time.

I come home from class and find this as her facebook status:

I try to respect people and what they say but I cannot stand when people think their opinion is a fact (especially when it comes to movies). Did they not learn the difference between fact and opinion? I should look on OPSI to see what grade that is supposed to be taught in.

I mean, really. I think what she doesn't realize that instead of feeling like I just got burned, it makes me literally laugh out loud.

She's this mad because I don't like Avatar? Really?

Come on people. Let's review the rules of having the internet.

1. It's okay if people think differently than you. Actually, it's even kind of fun.

2. Don't talk shit about someone who you see FOUR DAYS A WEEK.

3. Being pissy on the internet is just silly. Especially facebook. Especially when you are being obvious. Especially when it's over Avatar.

Avatar. Breaking up cohorts since 2009.

Return to Fill in the Blanks

2010-07-30T06:54:00.000-07:00

I feel like it has been forever since I've done one of these. Here we go :)

1. The last thing I do before going to sleep is double check my alarm for the morning then turn my ipod on.

2. When I can't sleep I read, listen to music or kill time on facebook.

3. The first thing I do when I wake up is brush my teeth. I hate the way my mouth feels all gross in the morning.

4. When I'm tired I get really emotional.

5. My dream bedroom would be a combination of all the little things I have in my room right now that I love, a nice huge comfy bed and lots of books.

6. If I could wake up anywhere tomorrow morning it would be somewhere stressful and away from people (sorry guys) like a hotel right on the beach.

7. The longest sleep I've ever had was when I was really sick, I literally think I slept the entire day. .

8. I sleep on my my side. Doesn't everyone?

9. When I sleep, I like to wear PJ pants or shorts and tank tops .

10. My bedtime is usually between 12 and 1 but last night I was so tired both mentally and physically that I went to bed at 11!

Harry Potter and Some Other Stuff

2010-07-23T22:08:00.000-07:00

Doesn't it feel like I haven't been here in a long time?

I took the day off of work today which has been beyond amazing. No joke. It made me realize so much. Like, how important quiet, recharging time is for someone like me. It also made me realize how important it was to leave work at work and just be home.

I like things done a certain way and I have such a set routine and flow with my kids that on days when I'm not there, I spend so much time thinking about how I forgot to tell my coworkers about the little parts of my day, where our read out loud book is, that one of my kids needs soy milk, that one of my kids needs to be nurtured beyond belief instead of scolded (I forget to tell myself this sometimes too) . I'm working on that but I know it won't get any better when I get my own classroom. One day, I'll learn to not be there when I'm not there.

Instead of being at work and raising other people's children, I had a super productive day. I worked out, got a costco card (all by myself like a big girl!) and got a head start on my homework for the week. As much as I had a hard time stepping away from my routine, I knew that my coworkers would be just fine without me and I cannot tell you how nice it was to hear crying kids or kids fighting and not have to deal with it. No joke.

My parents are out of town for the weekend so it's just my sister and I at home. We have decided to spend the time in our pajamas, eating junk food and rewatching all of the Harry Potter movies (she let me pick between this and Twilight...) We are on The Prisoner of Azkaban right now and let me just tell you, I have the biggest crush on Sirius Black. He's so adorable and all tattooed. Plus, I think he's ENTP which is my ideal personality type match. Just sayin'.

Lastly, once a week I go out with my girlfriends from school and a couple weeks ago, I was wearing the same exactly colors as one of my friends. I know that's no big deal to you but in our world, this is hilarious and awesome. See?

We tried to take a picture showcasing our awesomeness but there was a horrible glare in my glasses. When we tried again...

It still didn't work. I also want you to know that the look on my face in that picture is pretty much how I look 95% of everyday. Worried and awkward. Yup, that's me.

I know that my background is gone and I'm not sure what's up with that. Eventually, I'll get around to figuring it out.

Alright, I'm going to go live recklessly and turn the volume all the way up on the surround sound during the "EXPECTO PATRONUM" part. Take that, parents!