Sunday, April 3, 2011
I fought back and forth with this. I would write it in the middle of the night, get the words out of my system. Make peace with what's going on and then save it to my drafts and go to bed, doing what I do best and pretending it wasn't real.
But it is and as much as I want to wake up and move on and hide this part of myself and my life that is out there, that's not how the world works now, is it?
My younger sister has an eating disorder.
It started off right after the beginning of her eighth grade year. She slowly started cutting down on portions, reading labels, speaking out on what we were having for dinner. Then around Christmas time, she started reading weight loss books, cutting out things like bread, milk, cheese.
After the first of the year, she started packing only a few crackers or a few carrots for lunch. Obviously not getting enough calories for the day.
When I asked her about her new diet, she quickly got defensive (a red flag, such a huge red flag). She dropped 40 pounds in 2 months which we all tried to explain to her is unhealthy and so so dangerous.
She started commenting on things she wanted, saying things like "I don't need it, I want it but I don't need it".
She would get in fights with us, hide what she had eaten (if anything) all day from us. It got to the point where we were losing sleep, constantly worrying about her and struggling to find a safe and non threatening way to deal with what was happening right before our eyes.
Things are slowly getting better. She now has to keep a journal of the things she eats during the day, then meets with someone to talk about them. Things are getting better, but this disease is still here, living in my house.
I don't know where things will go from here, I don't know how this started or how it will end. I just know that this is my family. This is my baby sister, the light of my existence that has it in her head that for whatever reason, she is not good enough.
If you or someone you know feels this way, please get help. Know that like my sister, you have people who care about you and love you to the moon and back whether you weigh 100 pounds or 400 pounds. Know that it can and will get better.
Posted by Whitney at 9:21 AM