Saturday, April 10, 2010

Uncensored

I've talked a lot about how uncensored I want this spot to be. I've talked at lengths about my lifelong battle with anxiety and how I've struggled with not just being a teacher with depression but being a productive adult with depression.

Today, I'm going to switch gears and talk about something that is a little more personal but it is what has been happening in my home and in my family and I feel like I owe it to you and to myself to explain and to unpack this instead of just pretending like it doesn't exist.

I have a mother who has never worked a day in her life. Ever. Unless you count babysitting but I mean an actual 8 hour day, with a boss and a dress code, etc. For various reasons (various = anxiety, enabling and learned helplessness). This comes up a lot when my parents fight.

We yo-yo as a family between being extremely poor and upper middle class. I grew up on free lunch and took the city bus to school, I didn't live in a real house until I was 15 years old. Now, my dad makes too much for me to receive any sort of financial aid other than what the government calls "low-interest loans".

We began to live beyond our means and were quick to forget the days when we didn't have enough for the extras. Hell, we barely had enough to survive. But the thing with money is that it is so temporary. Unless you have to save, most people don't.

So here we are again. A drowning family trying to find a way to make things work. A working parent doing the best he can, a mother who deals with these issues by closing herself off in her bedroom and denies the fact that reality is knocking on her door.

I know we'll be fine, I know that we'll find a way to stretch our dollars and pay our bills but this is my life right now and I didn't want you to feel alone if it is yours too.


3 comments:

  1. It's funny, the time tells me that you *just* posted this and I love that I just happened to come home, jump online and find it so soon.

    This brought tears to my eyes because that's just what candor does to me. It's the everyday things closest to our hearts that are the hardest to talk about and to witness the gift of being forthcoming is something that touches me instantly.

    Thank you for sharing your personal and family struggle.

    What speaks to me most is that Every Single Family In The World has *something* that they'd rather not talk about. All of them. In my humble opinion, these issues compound themselves because they remain hidden and unspeakable, it's just the nature of things. Kudos to you for not only recognizing what needs to be dealt with but bringing it to the light where it can be more properly dealt with and observed.

    As with all things, I know both you and your family will make it through any perceived strife onto better days and I commend you for sharing that journey with the rest of the world.

    You are a beautiful soul and force to be reckoned with Whitney Marie, it's about time you told yourself that. :)

    <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. Whitney-

    I am sorry that you are going through a rough patch. Growing up, my parents owned their own company and we were always very wealthy and had more than enough. And then- I started high school and my parents ended up having to sell their business. It was horrible, my parents struggled to keep their house, and still to this day struggle to get by. It is hard to watch people struggle.

    My mother also doesn't work, well she does, kinda, she works for a family owned business and makes just enough to pay for the alcohol that she drinks every day. She is an extreme alcoholic. It is so frustrating to me, to watch my dad and sisters go without while my mom does as she pleases.

    I hope everything works out for the best, and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I am here for you. shelbyholland@rocketmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm sorry you're going through a tough time - family problems are never easy to deal with because you aren't the only player in the game. I truly hope that things will improve for you!

    p.s. i also wanted to ask you please do this: http://lookingformypearl.blogspot.com/2010/03/pretty-please.html

    it makes commenting and answering so much easier!

    I wanted to reply to your comment about my religion post but i cant! boo!

    (thanks for the nice comment, btw! of course i don't mind if you pass it on! im glad it struck a chord:) i was afraid of losing followers and I only have gotten positive feedback so far!)

    ReplyDelete