I've talked a lot about how uncensored I want this spot to be. I've talked at lengths about my lifelong battle with anxiety and how I've struggled with not just being a teacher with depression but being a productive adult with depression.
Today, I'm going to switch gears and talk about something that is a little more personal but it is what has been happening in my home and in my family and I feel like I owe it to you and to myself to explain and to unpack this instead of just pretending like it doesn't exist.
I have a mother who has never worked a day in her life. Ever. Unless you count babysitting but I mean an actual 8 hour day, with a boss and a dress code, etc. For various reasons (various = anxiety, enabling and learned helplessness). This comes up a lot when my parents fight.
We yo-yo as a family between being extremely poor and upper middle class. I grew up on free lunch and took the city bus to school, I didn't live in a real house until I was 15 years old. Now, my dad makes too much for me to receive any sort of financial aid other than what the government calls "low-interest loans".
We began to live beyond our means and were quick to forget the days when we didn't have enough for the extras. Hell, we barely had enough to survive. But the thing with money is that it is so temporary. Unless you have to save, most people don't.
So here we are again. A drowning family trying to find a way to make things work. A working parent doing the best he can, a mother who deals with these issues by closing herself off in her bedroom and denies the fact that reality is knocking on her door.
I know we'll be fine, I know that we'll find a way to stretch our dollars and pay our bills but this is my life right now and I didn't want you to feel alone if it is yours too.