Friday, April 30, 2010

Movie Blanks!

If you can't tell, talking about movies is one of my favorite things. Being a documentary film maker is definitely my #3 career choice so I was stoked to see the theme for the blanks this week! 

With that being said, Fill in the blank Friday is one of my favorite traditions and if you'd like to play along, check out Lauren's sweet blog here


1.  My absolute favorite movie of all time is Clue. I'm not even sure why, I just love it. 

2.  My favorite movie as a child was   The Never ending Story. Atreyu was my very first crush and I watched this movie obsessively.

3.  The best movie quote ever is       from "Wonder Boys" when Grady says, "What does it matter what I think? What does it matter what anyone thinks? Most people don't think!" Love it.

4.  My favorite actress is    Zooey Deschanel. I just love her voice. My favorite actor is     yikes I don't know if I could pick. I'll have to get back to you on this one.

5.  The movie I could watch over and over is    Garden State. I know you're probably supposed to put your favorite movie of all time here but there is just something about Garden State that appeals to me no matter what mood I am in. 

6.  My favorite movie genre is     dystopian. I know right? Totally weird but I just love dark movies.Or Indie when I'm not feeling dark.

7.  A movie I'd like to watch this weekend is     Sherlock Holmes. I've heard great things about it and I need to make time to watch it! Or Star Trek. I can never get enough Star Trek.

Now, with all that being said. Thank you so much for all the nice comments and emails. It really means a lot to me. Things are going much better now than they have been the last few days and I'm working hard to get life back to normal. 
I have a few posts scheduled for the next few days including a super awesome version of Sunday Sweets!

Have a wonderful weekend dearies!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

In movies, when you find out someone is sick, usually the doctor sits down with you and your family and talks to you about it.

In the real world, when you find out your great-grandma is sick, it's in passing as the nurse is putting in an iv and states "normally in situations like these, we would give her fluids but we won't because of her congestive heart failure".

It was a rough night last night for my family. At 3:00 I was sitting in my pajamas, watching Star Trek and finishing up homework. At 5:00, I was in the waiting room of the ER.

That's how life is you know. 


I'm the type of person who likes schedules and lists. I like to have my days planned out as much as possible. But there are some days that don't have any regard for your schedule. Some days that push on with things that aren't on your list.


She's doing okay now, they sent her home late last night and from here it's just a matter of monitoring and dealing. Heart failure sounds serious but it is fairly common in people her age.


Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts on my last post. Thank you for being here for the good and bad parts of this ride.


I promise to go back to being positive and telling stories from teaching soon.



Saturday, April 24, 2010

Beauty in the Breakdown

I've talked here and a few other places (I'm too lazy to get the links) about the things going on in my personal life. The truth is, there is so much more but when things fall apart, I tend to run right back into the arms of my trusty pen and paper and decide to not spill my heart out there.

The truth of the matter is, things in my personal life took a turn for the worst around February and every day I struggle to deal with it. I struggle with putting it behind me and picking up the pieces. I try hard to change the bad energy into good energy and surround myself with my girl friends who I can laugh and cry and heal with.

There are still days when the wound feels brand new, there are still days when I want to close the curtains and stay in bed. But on these days, I make lists of things I have to be thankful for, things I love and wouldn't trade for the world. 

Things like lemon raspberry cupcakes:


Being fortunate enough to live near this:

Pina Colada nights with my favorite teaching friends:

And simple reminders that as dark as it feels and as difficult as it seems, things will get better and the sun will come up. It always does.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Friday!

One of my favorite traditions has been Fill in the Blank Friday found here



1.  One song that always takes me back to my youth is probably any song by Britney Spears. I absolutely went through a Britney Spears phase. In fact, in 6th grade we would find outfits close to hers in the "crazy" video and spend hours trying to accomplish that look.

2.  My first concert ever was  The Backstreet Boys. It was my 13th birthday present and at that point, the highlight of my life.

3.  If I could create my dream music festival I'd want these bands to be there: Muse, U2, Broken Bells, She & him, The White Stripes, Blink 182, Jimmy Eat World,The Postal Service, MGMT, Ben Kweller and Justin Timberlake.

4.  The best make-out/"boot knocking" song ever is Let's Get It On. Duh.
5.The Best concert I've ever been to was U2 or Muse. Oh geez. I could never pick


6.  A memorable musical moment for me was the very beginning of the U2 concert I went to. It was just so beautiful and perfect.


7.  The song on my iPod that's getting the most play these days is  New Slang by The Shins. I love this song so much. I listen to it everytime I write a lesson plan.


I've read it a few other places but I have to agree, it feels like this year has gone by so fast. It seems like I will just post a fill in the blank and then suddenly it is Friday again.

This week was wonderful and I have high hopes for the weekend.

I've had the perfect balance between being social (Pina Coladas after school on Monday nights is always fun) and quiet time to process and decompress which is crucial for me.

Have a great weekend everyone :)


p.s. This clip from 30 rock last night made my heart sing.

Monday, April 19, 2010

The Beauty of Working With Strong Women


Up until recently, I used to absolutely HATE working in groups of women. I just never really experienced it in a way that was productive and drama free. I admit it, this was probably a combination of bad experiences and being close-minded.



In the past couple weeks I have had the privilege of working with two amazing groups of women.

The first group worked to put on an amazing self-esteem workshop in our community for free. I got to watch it take shape from a simple idea to being a huge event. It amazed me (and made me a little teary) to see this not only happen, but happen because of people being willing to donate their time and effort.

Sitting there on Saturday watching this all come together flawlessly made me think to myself “huh, maybe teams of women aren’t all bad news”.

The second group consists of some of the women in my teaching program. I have been working with the same people in this capacity since September while it isn’t always drama free, we have a strong foundation and it amazes me how willing they are to step up to the plate and make wonderful things happen.

One of the women in our program has a relative that is terminally ill. This has required her to make several trips back and forth to Portland while she struggles to maintain homework, her house and getting her kids back and forth to school.

It amazes me how generous and caring everyone has been during this time. We have alternated shifts watching her kids, those who can’t do this because they have families of their own have been bringing them dinner and taking detailed notes in class so she doesn’t fall far behind.

Through these experiences I have learned that while not every group is perfect, being surrounded by strong groups of women is what it’s all about.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

On Being Misunderstood

Let me give you some background:

I'm 21.

I graduated high school in 2007. I graduated with my AA in developmental psychology in 2009. I will graduate with my BA in Elementary Education with my endorsement in Special Education in 2012. 

School is the only thing I have known since I was 5 years old. 

Add this to the fact that I was born an anxious soul that is hypersensitive and easily overwhelmed. School is the only place that mellows me out. School is the only place that has consistently made sense to me.

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm not taken seriously. Like my ideas hold no merit because I'm young and unexperienced. 

I learned how to be funny to fit in to a world that constantly upsets me. I learned to make people laugh to hide the fact that inside, I am usually on edge.

It breaks my heart that for some reason, my classmates have been misintrepreting this for not being serious or ready to take on teaching. 

It upsets me to no end that they feel it's okay to constantly poke fun at the fact that I'm the youngest, that I'm the most anxious, that I'm not like them.

I hate the fact that this environment that has been set up to be the most supportive and encouraging environment has now been turned to a place where I feel like I am constantly having to prove myself.

If I would have known that it's more socially acceptable and respected to be 40, taking life to serious and not just now starting my BA, I would have waited.

I thought I was doing the right thing, the only thing I've ever known how to do. 

Friday, April 16, 2010

Friday Love

Fill in the blank Friday is a tradition in these parts. I like the posts on Friday to be lighthearted and fun, I have a much more serious post set up for tomorrow morning. 
As always, much love and thanks to lauren for the questions, Be sure to play long and read others answers here. 
 
1.  The first thing I do in the morning is 
 check my cell phone. I know, I'm a cell phone addicted but I'm trying to get in the habit of turning my cell phone OFF at night so I check it first thing in the morning.


2.  Every night before bed  I 
brush my teeth, listen to music and clear my mind. Or try to at least.

3.  My favorite thing to do when I'm having a bad day is 
bake cupcakes and listen to music!

4.  Something that makes me cringe is 
when people say "should of" or "could of" when it's supposed to be "Should have" or "could have". I don't know why it bothers me so much but I cringe every time I hear/ read it.

5.  Social situations   
overwhelm me. This is something I will be working on forever. It has gotten so much better since I was younger but still, I have a long way to go before I feel comfortable in certain situations.

6.  I like to collect  
kid's books for my future classroom and anything with cupcakes on it!

7.  Weekends are for  
 relaxing, unwinding, restarting and rebooting!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Lost

Lost is my favorite show ever.

In case you haven't heard me freak out/obsess over it/peer pressure you into watching it and didn't know that.

In an attempt to completely unwind and regroup, I spent all day last Saturday in my pajamas watching Season 3 of Lost on DVD.

That's when I found this moment, a moment that is so simple and silly and just happy. I love it.

If you don't watch Lost, here's what you need to know to enjoy this, they found an old van on the island and yeah, that's it.

Enjoy.


Monday, April 12, 2010

INFJ

 {source}
I could talk to you about MBTI until I'm blue in the face. Next to Lost, MBTI is definitely my next obsession. 

I've been trying to figure out a way to bring this up that would be informative and fun and wouldn't completely bore you to death if it isn't your cup of tea. So instead of talking about each of the 16 types, I'm just going to talk about my type.
I'm INFJ. Which stands for Introverted, Intuition, Feeling and Judging. 

INFJs are known as "private individuals who prefer to be behind the scenes" UM YES. This is the reason why I know I want to get my Masters degree in Literacy and not Educational Leadership, no being a principal for me. 

They prefer one on one relationships versus large groups. 

They are guarded in expressing their own feelings especially to new people. YES. Although you may not get that sense from my blog, I HATE talking about my feelings in real life. This was a hugely sore subject amongst me and the last um, I don't know EVERY guy I have been involved with. 

INFJs tend to withdraw as a way to set limits. 

They place importance on having things orderly and systematic. 

They also get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. 

They are generally sensitive to conflict and go out of their way to avoid it. 

INFJs are rarely at peace with themselves.

Lastly, INFJS are natural nurturers, often called "the counselor". They like being needed and enjoy solving problems.


INFJs dominant function is introverted intuition, this also explains why I have such bad anxiety about pretty much everything. The best way to explain introverted intuition is eternally thinking about everything that could go wrong. I read online once that INFJs live in a world of hypothetical situations and that's exactly what it feels like. It's crappy and useful. It helps me when I plan lessons for work and school but it's crippling when I try new things. 


So, with that being said, if you know it, what is your personality type?

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Sunday Sweets Volume 3

My entire life I have been obsessed with quotes but lately more than ever I have been gathering words of affirmation and love being surrounded by positive thoughts and reminders. My Sunday Sweets this week focus on 5 super sweet and uplifting prints I found on etsy.

{found here}



{found here}
{found here}

{found here}
{found here}

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Uncensored

I've talked a lot about how uncensored I want this spot to be. I've talked at lengths about my lifelong battle with anxiety and how I've struggled with not just being a teacher with depression but being a productive adult with depression.

Today, I'm going to switch gears and talk about something that is a little more personal but it is what has been happening in my home and in my family and I feel like I owe it to you and to myself to explain and to unpack this instead of just pretending like it doesn't exist.

I have a mother who has never worked a day in her life. Ever. Unless you count babysitting but I mean an actual 8 hour day, with a boss and a dress code, etc. For various reasons (various = anxiety, enabling and learned helplessness). This comes up a lot when my parents fight.

We yo-yo as a family between being extremely poor and upper middle class. I grew up on free lunch and took the city bus to school, I didn't live in a real house until I was 15 years old. Now, my dad makes too much for me to receive any sort of financial aid other than what the government calls "low-interest loans".

We began to live beyond our means and were quick to forget the days when we didn't have enough for the extras. Hell, we barely had enough to survive. But the thing with money is that it is so temporary. Unless you have to save, most people don't.

So here we are again. A drowning family trying to find a way to make things work. A working parent doing the best he can, a mother who deals with these issues by closing herself off in her bedroom and denies the fact that reality is knocking on her door.

I know we'll be fine, I know that we'll find a way to stretch our dollars and pay our bills but this is my life right now and I didn't want you to feel alone if it is yours too.


Friday, April 9, 2010

Friday~

{Found here every week}


1. The strangest thing I've ever eaten was
I do not eat weird things. I know, I should be brave and adventurous but no thank you.

2. My best friend is yikes. For the last 9ish months, my best friend was someone that I used to work with. We became friends quickly and spent a lot of time together but you know how things like this work, he changed, I changed, whatever. Now I think my best friend is one of the girls I go to school with. She's the same personality type as me and is always around when I need her. She also makes me laugh hard and is one of the wittiest people I have ever met.

3. If I could live in a different era it would be the 1950's because I think I would like to experience it. Maybe I'd love it or maybe it will help me be grateful for what I have now.

4. I like when I recommend a book to a student and they end up loving it. This has happened twice in the past week and it just makes my heart so happy.

5. If you only know one thing about me it should be that I'm not as dumb or immature as I come off. Being funny and awkward has always just been my thing, the way I fit in and make a place in my HUGE extroverted family. Don't get me wrong, I love bad words and dirty jokes but I am able to leave that at the door and be super conservative when I'm at work, in the classroom or working with parents.

6. My favorite book of all time is Are you kidding me? I could never just pick ONE. My favorite adult book is "The Outsiders" because it just made so much sense to me when I was in junior high and felt weird and out of place. My favorite kids book is "The Art Lesson" because it made me want to be a teacher like that.

7. The one beauty product I couldn't live without is chapstick. I don't wear makeup but I do have 80923 burts bees chapsticks.


8. Blogging is something I have done for almost 8 years. It's like coming home to me. I love knowing that there is a way for me to connect to people out there that think/feel the way that I do. I've met some wonderfully amazing teachers and other people with depression and anxiety, these interactions mean the world to me and for that, I will always have a blog out there somewhere.

9. If I could star in a movie with any actor/actress I would want to work with Tina Fey. I just think she is the coolest lady out there. In my dream world, we would be best friends and watch Star Wars together.

10. One of the best feelings in the world is when you don't have anything to do, no deadlines, observations, lesson plans to write. When you can just cuddle up and read a book for fun and not have to stress. That's my plan for tonight.


Thursday, April 8, 2010

Thanks Kid.

Conversation that took place at my job (note: NOT the school I teach at, my second graders still think I'm the best teacher evah (yes evah) and wouldn't say crap like this to me... yet).

Girl: Miss Whitney, are you married yet?
Me: Nope.
Girl: What are you waiting for? I've known you TWO years and you still aren't married. You should just find a guy and marry him already, stop waiting Miss Whitney.
Me: I don't need to get married right now, I am busy with school and working with you guys.
Girl: Right... I'm sure.

*five minutes later*

Girl: Is it because you have glasses? I think some guys like glasses. You just gotta find them.



{found here}

Oh Internet.
I have
so much to tell you about.
Like, how yesterday I spent the entire day teaching and I had the chance to eat lunch with my students (we had the best time and it made me
so sad that I don't have the chance to hear everything they have to say all the time).
Then, I got to go to a real staff meeting. My host teacher asked the principal if it was okay for me to be there and she told me I was always welcome! I know this will probably be the first and last time I get excited about a staff meeting but I was so beyond
thrilled to be there, considered a real teacher.
But alas, this week continues to be super busy and I am off to have coffee with one of my favorite people in the world, She is the reason I pretty much decided to become a teacher.
See you tomorrow for the fill in the blanks.
<3

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Sunday Sweets

A few of my favorite things this week:

1. Friday night I went with my best girlie friend to see Muse. Let me just tell you, it was beyond amazing. It was like a religious experience for the senses. We had the best time. Muse is my second favorite band and I cannot emphasis how great they are in concert. In 2007, Rolling Stone released a list of the best live bands and Muse was definitely on there but I don't remember which #1 (I only remember the year because I remember reading it during my senior year of high school) anyways, amazing show. Definitely in the top 2 best concerts I have ever seen.
Here is a video I snagged from Youtube of them playing "Knights of Cydonia" at our show.



{found here}

2. I don't remember how I found these peacock wine glasses but I just love them. Too bad I'm not a wine drinker.

3. I have had this bracelet on my favorites forever. One day, I'm going to finally break down and buy it. It is a nice reminder that "whatever will be, will be".
{found here}


4. I have talked a little bit about my love for all things Star Trek and this James T. Kirk doll is just too cute for me to handle.
{found here}

5. This outfit is so beyond cute and exactly how I want to dress when I have my own classroom!
{found here}

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Dear Disney,


{found here}

Dear Disney,
Please explain to me why your movies are so freaking sad?
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore Wall-e and to me, it has no faults; but I have a really hard time explaining to the 3 and 5 year olds that I babysit that Bolt really isn't going to die in the fire, that it's alright that Simba's dad is dead, that Bambi is going to be a better animal now that his mom is dead, that the bitter reality of Buzz Lightyear finding out that he's just a toy and he really can't fly is heartbreaking, but that's life.
At 21, I can understand the life lessons embedded in these films but isn't the world filled with enough saddness and heart ache? Can't we just let kids enjoy the innoncence and beauty of childhood for as long as possible?
xoxo
Whitney