In the description of this blog, I use words like candid and honest.
If someone by chance were to find this blog in the midst of their education or when they are trying to determine if teaching is the right career for you, here's what you can do: A) If you can't handle the truth, you can turn away. Click on something fun that I have written like one of the Friday Fill in the Blanks or an update about my etsy shop. or B) You can read this and be reminded that everyone makes mistakes, that not every day is going to be as spectacular and fun as the days when you get to read Dr. Seuss books and color.
Today was my second observed lesson and OH BOY DID IT BOMB.
See, there are a huge number of factors that determine whether I think a lesson is good. My lesson today was at 11:30 (RIGHT BEFORE LUNCH), on a Wednesday (which is their early release day, meaning they are already hyped up), on math (which is ALWAYS a downer). My student with ADHD "forgot" to take his meds this morning and was literally bouncing off the walls, I have another student who has a baby cousin living with them which is disrupting the entire household and making this student particularly irritable. The cards were stacked against me from the get-go.
I can say it was bad. Not the worst, but still bad.
I felt like I had no control, like I was so focused on just getting it over with and being able to go back to just observing and working with small groups that I plowed through the material and didn't adjust as well as I normally would or knew that I needed to.
As soon as these feelings of uncertainty or uncomfortableness sneak in, the kids pick up on this. The minute I don't have faith in myself as a teacher, they don't have faith in me either.
I allowed myself twenty minutes while the kids were at lunch to reflect, to wallow and to pick up the pieces and realize that this is just a learning experience. I'm going to have days when I rock it and the kids learned everything I wanted them too, but those days where the world is not working in my favorite are definitely going to happen too.