Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Five

I was tagged by Shelby of the Yellow.Handbag one of my newest blog obsessions.


Question 1: Where were you five years ago?

1. 16 years old
2. First year of high school
3. Super awkward in my own skin
4. Introverted (even more than I am now)
5. Naive but working on it.

Question 2: What is(was) on your to-do list today?

1. Unpack from this week
2. Update blog
3. Pack backpack for first day of classes tomorrow
4. Finish my book
5. Relax!


Question 3: What five snacks do you enjoy?

1. Pretzels
2. Goldfish crackers
3. Red Peppers
4. Wheat-thins and cream cheese
5. Fruit snacks

Question 4: What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?

1. Pay off ALL of my student loans
2. Pay off my parents house
3. Buy myself a cute little studio
4. Open a school but pay someone to run it for me so I could still teach and not have to deal with any of the added drama of being in charge.
5. Buy LOTS and LOTS of books


5 bloggers to pass it on to:

1. Anyone! Go for it.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

What they don't teach you in teaching school

1. Some days, they are just not going to get it. When this happens, it has nothing to do with your teaching. Maybe it's the weather, the fact that it is almost Winter break or maybe there's just something in the air. This doesn't make you a bad teacher, it makes you human. Just try again tomorrow.

2. You're going to cry. I met with a principal recently who told me that if you cry at least once a week your first few years, you are doing something right. You will cry because a child will spell a hard word for the first time on their own, you'll cry when a child tells you about the black mold in her bedroom but they can't afford to move, you'll cry because you'll feel overwhelmed that you're doing something right and you'll cry even harder because you'll feel like you're doing everything wrong.

3. It's okay to steal ideas. Teachers are resourceful and the things they think of will shock you sometimes. Store these ideas for later.

4. ASK FOR HELP. You are going to need it, don't be shy.

5. Celebrate every single victory. no matter how small.

6. They will ALWAYS say "started" when the word is "stared" ALWAYS.

7. Don't plan anything important the ten minutes before lunch.

8. Enjoy it. Enjoy the beautiful moments when you can sneak a dance party into the curriculum, enjoy the first sunny day after a week full of gray dark days. Drink it up.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Pardon Me

{via weheartit}

On the way home from work tonight I witnessed a car accident.
I've talked a little bit about how much I hate driving and how much it stresses me out. This was just too much to handle.
I held it together long enough to call 911 but then I got back in my car and lost it.
What people without anxiety issues don't realize is that you don't get to pick and chose what overwhelms you and what doesn't. You can't just snap out of it and be okay. One day, I'd like to get that strong but today wasn't it.

I'm going to take a break from the internet for a few days. I just need to regroup and deal with how upset this tiny little incident made me.

When I get back, I plan to talk more about anxiety and how I manage when it sneaks up on me like this.
How I turn it around and get better when I feel like I have no control and can't breathe.

Thank you for being patient.

xoxo

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Even Better


{image found here}

I: Miss Whitney, can I tell you a secret?
Me: Sure I, what is it?
I: I know I'm a girl but I just don't like wearing nail polish.
Me: Me either I, but that's okay.
I: That still makes us girls right?
Me: Of course.
I: I think that makes us even better girls!

I can't argue with that logic.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Put a Ring on It

{via weheartit}

On Thursday, I was told that the last person I was romantically involved with was getting his new girlfriend a ring. They have only been dating a month but whatever. I'm not here to talk about this. What I am here to talk about is how it made me feel and what I did to escape.
So, I was told this and I put on my big girl pants and acted happy.
Inside I was screaming and crying and trying everything I could to mentally escape.

So, I did what any mature, tiny bit heart broken and just overall bitter woman would do. I got the hell out of town.

I got two of my favorite ladies from my teaching program to go on an adventure with me to Seattle.




The first stop was the Red Robin where we had amazing food, milkshakes and all you can eat fries. For some reason there is a HUGE stuffed penguin outside and I couldn't help but ask a stranger to photograph us with him.


I had a raspberry milkshake and it was so good. It had whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles. As everyone knows sprinkles = love.


From there, we went to the book signing but I was so into listening to Jodi Picoult talk (she's ENFJ which is my favorite personality type!) that I didn't take any pictures. However, from there we took the monorail to the space needle/Seattle center.


At the Seattle Center, they have this amazing fountain that I just love to sit by and people watch and talk. We did that for almost two hours and I can't stress enough how this was just the perfect remedy for my bitterness and self-doubting.


I didn't bring my big camera because I hate having to carry it around so the picture isn't the best but trust me, it is amazingly serene there.

This is a picture I took of my friend Maggie. This girl is INFJ like me and makes my heart so happy on a daily basis. I can't remember what we were laughing about but this picture is JUST SO her.


I'm feeling better today and I know that as the days go on, it will be okay. I'm beyond thankful for my amazing support system and the fact that I love close enough to Seattle to be able to escape there whenever I need to.

Words of Wisdom from the amazing book I'm reading right now: "Grief and nuisance are inevitable in this life, but if you can plant yourself in stillness long enough, you will, in time, experience the truth that everythng (both uncomfortable and lovely) does eventually pass".

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Sunday Sweets Volume 2

On Thursday, I dealt with something sad and awkward. I knew that this would play out one of two ways, either I would totally shut down and stay away from the internet and the outside world or I would want to be surrounded by my closest girlie friends and look at pictures of things like puppies and cupcakes. Fortunately, it was the second one.

Yesterday we went to the Seattle Public Library to a book reading with Jodi Picoult whose books aren't my very favorite but I can't pass out a chance to head to Seattle. We had an amazing time and ate wonderful meals and sat by the fountain in the Seattle center and just talked. Sometimes this is exactly what my soul needs, I have a post scheduled about this for later in the week.

Anyways, I'm feeling so so much better now and I wanted to share a few things that I've been crushing on. These are things I would absolutely buy if I wasn't a poor college student.


1. Super amazing dr. seuss cupcake toppers {found here}2. These owl sugar cookies are pretty much the sweetest things I have ever seen! {found here}
3. Birthday Cake is my favorite scent in the world and I love these melting tarts sooo much. {found here}

4. I love this flower corsage. {found here}
5. I am determined to have one of these alphabet prints in my classroom one day {found here}

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Blurt


{via the super handy clipart from Office for mac}

I talk a lot about picking and choosing battles and celebrating small victories. This is a story about both.

I have this student, we shall call him B (as in Big Blurter). B does not stop talking the minute I walk in the room. B tells me all about what he had for dinner the night before, about riding his bike, about everything that has ever happened in his 8 years of life.

The thing is that B decides to tell me these things randomly, out of turn and usually when I'm in front of the entire class teaching. So, we keep working on him raising his hand when he has something to share.
I'll say something like, "I can't wait to hear what you have to say but make sure it has to do with what we are talking about right now" (meaning, not what happened during the Summer of 2005.

This is what happened yesterday:

Me: After you finish, find a partner and read each others stories, make sure they make sense!
B: Miss W! Miss W! Look I'm raising my hand
Me: Yay B! What is it?
B: My Grandma broke her leg on Saturday
Me: Wow B. Thanks for raising your hand but is that something that could have waited just a little bit until I was done teaching?
B: No. Then it wouldn't be broken anymore!

Yay for small victories and getting the hand raising thing down, now we just need to work on the relevancy.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Fill In the Blanks

{Via the little things we do}

1. Today I am wearing brown dress pants, a white shirt and a green cardigan. Does that match? Someone please tell me if that matches.

2. My favorite childhood food was chicken nuggets and my favorite food now is still chicken nuggets but definitely with mashed potatoes and brown gravy!

3. A day that I am too busy to listen to good music and have an impromptu dance party is a day that I am too busy.

4. The last movie I saw was Julie and Julia and the next movie I want to see is The Blind Side because I saw it comes out next week but I know the next movie I will see will probably be New Moon.

5. My favorite smell is birthday cake because, I don't really even know why. I just love it. I have probably 10 birthday cake candles. Love it.

6. A weird little quirk I have is I love to try and guess people's personality types. I'm getting really good at it. If you haven't taken the MBTI, you should because it's fun and insightful. If you have, you should tell me what your result was because I'm weird like that and like to know.

7. When I take personality quizzes they always say I'm INFJ. Which is absolutely my personality type. I have taken the test a million times over the last few years and I always get the same type. Maybe one day I'll write about why I think it's true.


Have a wonderful day everyone!




Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Dear Anderson


The other day in my "The Teacher and the Social Order" class,we had to watch another documentary (really, this is like the 6th one this quarter). I was getting ready to fall asleep with my eyes open when I heard the voice of an angel.

This wasn't any documentary, this was a documentary about low income schools done by my main man Anderson!

Dear Anderson Cooper,
I love you. I love you so much it hurts.
You have been my longest crush. For about 2 years of my life, I felt like I couldn't love anymore than I loved Nick Carter (you know, the cutest member of the Backstreet Boys) That is, until I saw you.
I love how you save orphans from buildings in Haiti. I love how you cry about Hurricane Katrina. I love when you get fired up about reality tv.
One day, we are going to get married and I'll wear cute aprons and make you dinner. You'll come home wearing your super cute suit and tie and we'll eat dinner and talk about world events.
Everything will make sense and we'll live happily ever after.
xoxo
Whitney


Monday, March 15, 2010

Starts with an X


{Via Google}

I try really hard to stay friends with my ex's. I listen carefully when they tell me all about how they have now met their "soul mate" (in quotes because that's the exact wording of what was said to me last week), I listen to how much she is like me, how much she wants to be my friend, how cool she thinks it is that I'm going to be a teacher. "She could never be a teacher" he says.

I take their phone calls when their new relationships are failing. I am their fill in when their girlfriend has to work and he doesn't want to spend the weekend alone.

I am polite when I run into their parents. I say "I miss you guys too" when they say they miss having me around the house. I pull myself together quickly when people ask how he is, how's his job, how's his life. "He's doing well" I say.

Why do I do this?

Because I know that putting all this good, positive energy out there will come back to me one day. When the day comes and I meet someone who likes U2, watches Star Trek and volunteers enough that he knows all of my students by name, I will call him and tell him how happy I am.



Sunday, March 14, 2010

That Much Stronger


{via weheartit}

You know what I really love? The tiny moments in the day that happen and I am able to totally keep my cool. I went through something sad and unfortunate over the Summer, I made a bad judgment call and got involved with someone I shouldn't. And when it ended miserably and bitterly, just like I knew it would; I was convinced that my corner of the universe was folding in and the day when it would stop hurting would never come.

But it did.

I was reminded of this on Friday and I am so so glad that I was.

So now, when school gets rough and teaching gets rough and life gets rough; When I feel like I don't have the capacity to go on, I will remind myself that even though it feels dark and miserable at the time, the sun will come up and the day will come when it won't hurt. Not even a little bit.


Friday, March 12, 2010

Another Rainy Friday


1. The best day ever was when I saw U2 in concert. Pretty much the best moment of my life so far.

2. My favorite meal of the day is dinner because I usually eat it at school with the people in my program and we always have a good time.

3. This weekend is going to be mellow. I have nothing planned. Maybe I'll catch up on some cleaning or crafts.

4. Never in my life have I enjoyed being called on in class. Even to this day it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable.

5. The only thing better than being snuggly in bed with a book is being snuggly in bed with a book and having nothing to do for the rest of the day. .

6. I could really do with some motivation. I always feel like by this point in the quarter, I am mentally done. I need to regain some motivation over Spring Break.

7. The most recent thing I bought myself was a purple ruffly cardigan. The story behind it is one night I ran to the store after class and I fell in love with it but it was way too expensive for my poor college student budget. When I went there last night after a horribly frustrating and overwhelming class, not only was awesome purple sweater still there but it was 40% off. It was like the universe was rewarding me for not pulling my face off during class!



Thursday, March 11, 2010

I'm not a very good "mean girl"

{Via weheartit}

I'm not a good mean girl. My personality type tells me that I'm such a feeler. I'm good at being mad or sad. I'm good at being bitter and snappy but when it comes down to being mean and there actually being follow through, I wuss out and make a million and one excuses.

I am typing an evaluation for a professor I had that was AWFUL. One of the worst classes I have ever taken in my 120 credits of college. But when it came down to typing it and actually writing mean (albeit ALL true) things. I just felt SO bad about doing it.

I had to really get in the zone and remember that I paid quite a bit for this class and I deserve to be treated with respect. That what I was writing and what he will read and our program director will read is all true.

Maybe I'm just a nice girl after all.

P.S. I only have 2 more classes left before the end of the quarter!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Hi World.

{via weheartit}

Hi World.
Today is Monday and when you stop and think of all the ways to describe a typical Monday, then times that by at least a million that is what my day has been so far.
It started with a child turning his worksheet into a ball and telling me that there's no point in him doing it because he was just going to take it home and put it in the fire anyways.
Then, I went out to lunch with my parents only to have my debit card supposedly declined. I called the bank right away to have them ask me a line of questions that had me pretty convinced that my identity had been stolen and I was currently funding someones joy ride to Puerto Rico or somewhere neat, warm and far away (In my crazy defense, they asked me if I was still in Washington, TWICE). It ended up that there just might be something wrong with the magnetic strip and NOT my card. Crisis averted. But still, it took me about twenty minutes to calm down from the shaky feeling.

I have a 20 minute presentation tonight that I'm not ready for, in the least.

But once I survive, I am having a girls night with some of my favorite people from my teaching program. We are going to sit around in our pajamas and talk about teaching, boys, life and everything in between.


Friday, March 5, 2010

The most anticipated Friday ever

{via the little things we do}


1. One thing I MUST do before I die is
go on a road trip. I have wanted to do this for so long. I just want to pack up the car, make a million mixed cds and go somewhere random and amazing with some of my girl friends.

2. I would rather be in the classroom than pretty much anywhere on Earth (ok, except maybe warm and snuggly in bed)

3. If I could give my younger self one piece of advice it would be CHILL OUT. Seriously. I used to write myself letters to read in the future all the time in my teenage years and they would say stuff like "Dear Whitney, calm down, everything is OK". I would give myself the same advice. The world isn't going to end because a certain dumb boy doesn't like you back, you are going to get into college and everything is going to be okay. CHILL OUT and enjoy the simplicity of being young.

4. If I won the lottery tomorrow I'd pay the rest of my tuition in full. Then, I'd go on a trip for Spring Break. Somewhere relaxing and rejuvenating.

5. The best surprise ever was the fact that I have become such good friends with some of the women in my teaching program. I went into it with a horrible mindset and had just planned on getting through the program and keeping to myself. Well, the universe had different plans for me and I am surprised everyday by how close we have become over the last 6 months. In fact, we are even planning a cliche cheesy sleepover Monday after class to celebrate surviving this quarter.

6. My biggest fault is worrying.I worry about everything, all the time.

7. My biggest strength is oh boy. I think I'd say, My passion. I absolutely love what I do and that's what helps me get through the hard times.


Yikes. My answers are all sort of long today.

This weekend, I plan on getting A LOT done. Next week is the last full week of the quarter and I have papers or projects due in every class. I also plan to go visit a friend who just had the sweetest little girl. I figure that the balance of stressful homework and newborn baby snuggling will make everything okay.

Have a wonderful weekend <3

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Today I did a really bad job at teaching

In the description of this blog, I use words like candid and honest.

If someone by chance were to find this blog in the midst of their education or when they are trying to determine if teaching is the right career for you, here's what you can do: A) If you can't handle the truth, you can turn away. Click on something fun that I have written like one of the Friday Fill in the Blanks or an update about my etsy shop. or B) You can read this and be reminded that everyone makes mistakes, that not every day is going to be as spectacular and fun as the days when you get to read Dr. Seuss books and color.

Today was my second observed lesson and OH BOY DID IT BOMB.

See, there are a huge number of factors that determine whether I think a lesson is good. My lesson today was at 11:30 (RIGHT BEFORE LUNCH), on a Wednesday (which is their early release day, meaning they are already hyped up), on math (which is ALWAYS a downer). My student with ADHD "forgot" to take his meds this morning and was literally bouncing off the walls, I have another student who has a baby cousin living with them which is disrupting the entire household and making this student particularly irritable. The cards were stacked against me from the get-go.

I can say it was bad. Not the worst, but still bad.

I felt like I had no control, like I was so focused on just getting it over with and being able to go back to just observing and working with small groups that I plowed through the material and didn't adjust as well as I normally would or knew that I needed to.

As soon as these feelings of uncertainty or uncomfortableness sneak in, the kids pick up on this. The minute I don't have faith in myself as a teacher, they don't have faith in me either.

I allowed myself twenty minutes while the kids were at lunch to reflect, to wallow and to pick up the pieces and realize that this is just a learning experience. I'm going to have days when I rock it and the kids learned everything I wanted them too, but those days where the world is not working in my favorite are definitely going to happen too.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Happy Birthday


Today is the birthday of one of my favorite authors of all time, Dr. Seuss.

It's also "Read Across America" Day. A day when it's okay to deviate from the scripted curriculum and celebrate reading and the thousands of amazing kids books out there.

In second grade today we did Dr. Seuss stations. The kids rotated between the four second grade rooms and each room focused on a specific Dr. Seuss book. In our room, we did "Horton Hears a Who". We read the book, passed out green pencils with a pink fluff ball on top to be their "clovers" and did coloring sheets. Totally easy and awesome day.

Tomorrow morning is my second observed lesson. My supervisor from my teaching program is coming to watch me teach and make sure I'm doing what I'm supposed to and not just sit around coloring Dr. Seuss pictures all day. I'm super nervous, but what's the worst that could happen?

A lot actually. But I'm not even going to let my brain go there.