Sunday, February 7, 2010

On being your teacher with depression.

Inspired by this post which has given me the motivation to go on, even when I feel like I'm drowning.

Dear Mrs. C's class,

Some mornings, I wake up sad. I'm not sure why or when it's going to happen. It just does. More than you being able to read as many words as possible in one minute, or knowing the right forms of "there" and "their", I want you to learn from me that even when you feel like the world is too much, you can and you will survive.

Some days the darkness creeps in, some days I just give in and let it. But being in your classroom and having each and everyone of you help me become the best teacher I can, helps push the darkness out.

Some days it's just too much to handle, I feel like I'm not doing a good job, I feel like I'm not even doing an adequate job. I just wish each of you could know that being your teacher, even if it is just for a few hours a few days a week, is the only thing I have ever wanted and needed to do with my life.

I want you to know that each tiny victory we celebrate together, each time you get something right and I can see it, literally see you getting it and knowing it, is what helps me get out of bed on the mornings when I feel like I can't.

Being your teacher has given me a whole new purpose. It has closed the door and the windows tight and the darkness is having a much harder time getting in.

And even on nights like tonight, when little pieces are feeling dark, I know that tomorrow morning, you'll tell me about your weekend, you'll show me your new shoes, you'll tell me about your cousin's birthday party. The world will make sense again and I'll be okay.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you,

Miss W.

1 comment:

  1. How wonderful a salve is the innocence of a child. Pure curiosity, giggles and random impulses, kids are often the sweetest way to sanity. When I feel like things are too much and anger is crowding in, I go play Lava Monster on the playground, football in the gym or do fuse beads in the cafeteria. These conversations and interactions are what keeps me coming back as well, not able just yet to turn away from the progress we've made with so many of those kids.

    Kudos to you Whitney for offering the next generation your heart and soul because I know you give no less.

    Love you Booface.