Thursday, January 14, 2010

Guilty


I've had that postsecret saved on my computer for quite some time. So long in fact that I've transferred it from my old laptop to my dearest Juliet.

I don't know what first compelled me to save it, I save a lot of secrets in a folder just because so many of them ring true to me. But there is something about this one that is stored in my brain as well. On days when school is tough and I'm tired or unsure, my mind drifts off to the alternative universe. The world where I'm not student teaching during the day to come home, change my clothes and go to school at night.

I'm a feminist to the core and I absolutely love teaching but there are some days when I think that settling down and being a mom is what my soul wants. Not a relationship or a husband but raising and loving and nurturing my own children.

Whenever I consider this for more than a few minutes, I immediately push this thought process aside and go back to writing lesson plans and grading spelling tests.

One day, I'll have both. "Have it all" as Liz Lemon says. Until then, whenever this feeling sneaks up on me, I'll allow myself a few minutes to think about this postsecret and then I'll move on.


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