Monday, December 21, 2009

Open Letters

Dear Facebook,
Thanks for providing me with something to do during Winter break. I'm especially excited since I can now become a fan of important things like "Simply Lemonade" and "Texting the person sitting next to you things you can't say outloud". However, I am not a fan of my ex-boyfriend from junior high OR the family that I babysit for trying to befriend me.
Let's work on this,
Whitney

Dear Ex Boyfriend from Junior High,
I get it, your nosy. I'm the queen of internet creeping so I can't really call you out on this. I can however call you out on the fact that when you did know me, I had HUGE hair and a orthodontic appliance that resembles the kinds of things you'd find in a torture chamber. Considering that my sex appeal was zero when you knew me in the 8th grade, I am really unsure why it is that you now want to be my friend and have sent me THREE messages commenting on things I have listed in my about me.
Get a life creeper,
Whitney

Dear Crocheting,
I don't know why it is that we only meet once a year when I feel like I should be nice to the people in my life and make them something for the holidays. I also don't understand why 80 year old women can crochet and I can't.
You suck.
Love,
Whitney

Dear Laundry Pile.
F you.
I'm going to continue to ignore you at least until the new year,
Whitney

Dear Grandma,
Asking me every time we talk "when are you going to get a real job" is annoying and tacky.
Wondering how it is your heart hasn't frozen solid yet,
Whitney

Dear Your Mom/Your Face jokes,
Thanks for always being funny and for being wonderful to whisper to my 13 year old sister every time my relatives are around.
Love,
Whitney

Dear Diet Dr. Pepper,
Thanks for being the only thing in this world that keeps me sane.
Love Love Love,
Whitney

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