Monday, October 5, 2009

If you never really get me, then I guess you'll never know

Being my friend, like actually someone I give a shit about requires a lot. I would rank it right above what it takes to be an adoptive parent and right below the requirements to get into Harvard.

Let me give you a run down of how it works:

-It primarily comes down to Respect. When I first meet you, I'm not going to like you. If you respect that I have this right and that it's happening, you'll automatically gain my respect. In the words of one of my favorite Real Housewives, "I won't like you, until I like you". Respect that there are going to be days when I won't want to talk to you. Respect me and I'll respect you right back.

-Boundaries. I have 230872052 different weird boundaries and unless we predetermine that you recognize my boundaries and they don't scare you away, you better damn well know what they are, because crossing my boundaries will get you a one way ticket out of friend town. Don't call me, don't text me, don't talk about my life or my anxiety or my family like you are apart of that. It's a boundaries issue.

-I am a mean girl. "Down to the core" as Shane will say. I mock and I criticize and I'll call you out if I think you're wrong about something or if I think you are just being a flat out jackass. I don't mess around or sugarcoat things. My own core philosophy is this, I may be mean or snatchy or however you want to word it, but I'm definitely not a liar.

-Hate the same things I do. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. Nothing works better for me than a friendship based on hating things together. I told C once, I like when we like the same things, but I LOVE when we hate the same things.

-I need to snack round the damn clock. I can feel it happening when I need a snack. I automatically lose the ability to deal with anything when I need a snack and if you know that this happens, we will hit it off well. It's not something I can control and if you take this into consideration when we interact, I will greatly appreciate it.

-There are a few phrases I'll say when I'm at my wits end with you. Look out for "I'm sure" or "I bet". This are the verbally equivalent of me just saying I don't care.

-Lastly, I blog. In a number of locations. Chances are, I will talk about you on my blog. Sorry. If it bothers you, I'll abbreviate your name.

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