Saturday, September 5, 2009

The Art of Pre-Eating

You know when you have those moments with someone when you realize that there is a definite reason why you are friends?

I had one of these moments about a month ago when I was sitting in C's car. We were getting ready to go to a staff potluck for my former job when we decided that we knew the food situation was going to be grim there. It was at that moment that C and I took our already awesome friendship to the next level. We decided to pre-eat.

Over the next ten minutes, C and I sat in the car and consumed corn dogs and potato wedges.

Pre-eating is made up of small mini-meals before you consume an actual meal.

Another example of an ideal pre-eating scenario is when you are going to the Olive Garden with a party of more than 2 during dinner time. This happened to me yesterday and I knew that we were going to be doomed to a life of red light up beepers and packed seating. Me being the clever pre-eater that I am, knew to grab some fruit leather and some of those mini cartons of goldfish crackers. While the rest of my family members were bitching and moaning about their starvation, I had already pre-eaten and was good to go.


Of course, there are some serious rules that you must master before you become a successful pre-eater.

1. Don't let other people know. Pre-eating is like an ancient ritual that only your close friends and people with diabetes will understand. Others will just judge you and make comments about how typical and American you are for wanting to eat before you eat. Just remember that while they are suffering and still waiting to be seated, your stomach will be full and your blood sugar numbers normal.

2. Don't overeat. There is a fine line between pre-eating and actually eating. These are some examples of ideal pre-eating foods. Corn Dogs (only because there is never a situation when a corn dog isn't an ideal food). Half a sandwich (not too much and not too little). Anything that comes in individual containers (snack packs, goldfish, fruit by the foot).

3. Pretend you're hungry even though you used your head and pre-ate. How do you think my co-workers would have felt if I didn't pretend I was starving and excited for their homemade casseroles and salads (ew). They would be offended and add it to the list of social felonies I have committed over the course of the eight weeks we worked closely together. But instead of bragging about the delicious corn dogs C and I consumed in the course of leaving the store and heading to the potluck spot, I pretended I was starving and loaded my plate full of all the store bought stuff (meningitis free is the way to be!).

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