Monday, September 21, 2009

Back To School


Today is my first official day of school and the beginning of the last 2.5 years until I get my teaching degree.

Here's what I'm anxious/excited about:

-homework, I LOVE homework. I'm not even kidding or trying to be sarcastic. I love homework and I love having the built in excuse of homework whenever I don't want to do anything. (For example, "sorry I couldn't make it to family dinner Grandma, I had TONS of homework")
-I'm also excited to get to know the people in my cohort better. And by better, I mean "well enough to make nicknames for all of them".

Here's what I'm not excited about:
-Having to be social
-Having to get dressed
-Being gone between the hours of 5:30 and 9:30. That is the most inconvenient time bracket to be gone. I'll be missing dinner, at least one snack and the beginning of all my shows.

I'll be back tomorrow with a complete over analysis. After I watch House AND Gossip Girl on dvr because I won't be home to see them tonight.

Damn education.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Happy Birthday





I bet you don't know that my mom was fairly young when I was born.

Or if you do know that, what's up real world friends.

Sometimes this made growing up rocky, even now I meet pretentious jerks who look down on me and think that because I am the product of teenage pregnancy I'm automatically white trash and going to be a bad influence. But whatever.

Even though my mom was a baby herself when I was born, she did a kickass job of raising me and instilling in me all the values that are important to instill in your spawn. For example,
-my mom taught me to love super tacos from Jack in the Box
-She also taught me how to nurture a grudge like it's a newborn child
-Lastly, she taught me to be assertive and not take shit from anyone.

My mom is my best friend and not in the hackneyed "relatives by blood, friends by choice" way. My mom is my best friend because she supports me unconditionally and deals with my emotional crises and does a damn good job of hating the same people and things that I hate.

Today is my mom's birthday and even though she is sick and doesn't want to do anything over the top and fun, I'm determined to make sure she has a kickass day because she's the most kickass person I know.

Happy Birthday Mama!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

You know what I hate?

It always makes C happy when I start a sentence off with "You know what I hate". Usually because when I say this, it is followed by something really irrelevant that pisses nobody off but me.

Anyways, you know what I hate?

When guys refer to other guys as their "buddy".

Gross.

Don't get me wrong, there are some limited acceptable uses of the word buddy. For example, during Summer camp, we had assigned Summer reading "buddies" which is just an appropriate way of saying "hey you older kids partner up with the younger kids and read for an hour so I can talk to C".

But when two adult men refer to each other as "buddy" it makes me want to puke and lock the door because it creeps me out so bad.

That's all.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Jo and Laurie


There are a number of things that I struggle with on a daily basis.

Here are an example of some of the issues that I can't comprehend on my own:

-Why my mom gets mad when I want to spend the whole day playing Fallout 3.

-Why some teachers are mean and act like they want to swallow some kids up whole? Becoming a teacher takes a lot of hard work, why do it if you don't want to?

-Why do some people not turn right on a red? I get that in some states its illegal and whatnot. But not in Washington. TURRRNNN.

-Why washing a plate with ketchup on it is the single grossest thing on Earth.

Lastly and most importantly, why Jo and Laurie didn't end up together?

Seriously.

If I could rumble Outsiders style with one person, it would be Jo March. I have spent many hours contemplating why she wouldn't want to marry him. Especially in the movie version. Pre-wife beating Christan Bale is quite a catch.

That's really all I've got today.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Shutdown.

Last night, I got the worst kind of headache.

The kind of headache that blindsides you and leaves you feeling like you are going to either cry or projectile vomit. Or both.

So instead of writing anything clever or witty or worth reading, I'll leave you with a comic.


p.s. The universe is rewarding me for fighting this bastard headache by putting the season premiere of Gossip Girl on tonight!

p.s.s I really hate Kate Gosselin. Let's talk about that this week.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Songs I Hate To Love

There are a few songs I am truly embarrassed to admit that I love to listen to. So embarrassed in fact, that I usually only listen to these songs on headphones at a really low volume just in case anyone walks in.

Here are the ten songs I am currently hating that I love.

10. Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson.



Have you heard the lyrics of this song? Soooo cheesy.

"this song is meant to keep ya
from doing what you're supposed to
like waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
pretend like it's the weekend now"

Every time I hear it, I can't help but say to myself, "You know what, that sounds like a great fucking idea". Damn you Jack Johnson!

9. Katy Perry "Hot N Cold"


I have a serious love/hate relationship with Katy Perry. Her songs are just so over the top and dramatic. I mean, did she really kiss a girl and like it? I doubt it.
But this song just gets me. I always joke and say I'm going to use this song to teach my future kindergartners their opposites.

Now that I think about it, maybe I have such a soft spot for this song because I really do have a "hot n cold" personality (not to self, explain the "sweet n sour" award I won at work once in a different post).

8. Black Eyed Peas "I've Got a Feeling"


One day I was discreetly rocking out to this song when my sister showed me a video talking about how it is the worst song in the world. That's a little rough but the lyrics are a bit redundant and I will never be able to figure out the randomly placed "Mazel tov" but whatev.

7. Jordin Sparks "Battlefield"


I don't really do the whole American Idol thing. But I did see Jordin Sparks when she opened up for the Jonas Brothers. Whatever, don't judge. This little girl can sing her heart out. I like this song because it reminds me of Christina Aguilera's "Stronger" which is another feminist power ballad that makes my heart sing.

6. Gwen Stefani "Hollaback Girl"


She spells "bananas". What more could you want from a song?

5. Kanye West "Stronger"



I have such torn emotions about this song. I might just have a soft spot for Daft Punk and the "That that that that don't kill me" parts. But two things. 1) Kayne West is SUCH a tool and 2) Every time I hear this song, all I can think about is robot Katie Holmes talking about it how she listened to it when she ran that dumb marathon.

4. Dr Dre and Eminem "Forgot About Dre"


As a future teacher, there are certain elements of my personality I try hard to keep hidden from people who are not already in the inner circle. For example, my tendency to say bad words and my love for Dr. Dre. I had a hard time picking just one song but it definitely has to be this. I know all of the words to both parts and I have an ability to incorporate these lyrics into essays and casual conversation.

3. Bon Jovi "You Give Love a Bad Name"


I've talked about my Bon Jovi dreams before. I can't help but rock out to this song. When I found out it was on Guitar Hero 5, I pretty much flew to the store to buy it.

2. The Backstreet Boys "I Want It That Way"



Cut me some slack, when this video was taken in 1999, I was at the height of my 5th grade coolness. How can you not love the coordinating white outfits? The high notes? The BSB looooovee?

1. Hannah Montana "Nobody's Perfect"



Whatever. Judge all you want. This song is AWESOME. She's totally right, everybody makes mistakes! Everybody DOES have those days and I of course do know what she's talking about because EVERYBODY feels that way. I love myself some Hannah (note, I can totally tell the difference between a Hannah song and a Miley song). To me, this song brings back memories of my first graders rocking out, it also brings back the feeling that I too, want the best of both worlds.



Thursday, September 10, 2009

99% of the time

I am making this face:


This has been described by outsiders as the "as soon as I get control of this headache I'm going to unleash some verbal whoopass on you" face.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

The Art of Pre-Eating

You know when you have those moments with someone when you realize that there is a definite reason why you are friends?

I had one of these moments about a month ago when I was sitting in C's car. We were getting ready to go to a staff potluck for my former job when we decided that we knew the food situation was going to be grim there. It was at that moment that C and I took our already awesome friendship to the next level. We decided to pre-eat.

Over the next ten minutes, C and I sat in the car and consumed corn dogs and potato wedges.

Pre-eating is made up of small mini-meals before you consume an actual meal.

Another example of an ideal pre-eating scenario is when you are going to the Olive Garden with a party of more than 2 during dinner time. This happened to me yesterday and I knew that we were going to be doomed to a life of red light up beepers and packed seating. Me being the clever pre-eater that I am, knew to grab some fruit leather and some of those mini cartons of goldfish crackers. While the rest of my family members were bitching and moaning about their starvation, I had already pre-eaten and was good to go.


Of course, there are some serious rules that you must master before you become a successful pre-eater.

1. Don't let other people know. Pre-eating is like an ancient ritual that only your close friends and people with diabetes will understand. Others will just judge you and make comments about how typical and American you are for wanting to eat before you eat. Just remember that while they are suffering and still waiting to be seated, your stomach will be full and your blood sugar numbers normal.

2. Don't overeat. There is a fine line between pre-eating and actually eating. These are some examples of ideal pre-eating foods. Corn Dogs (only because there is never a situation when a corn dog isn't an ideal food). Half a sandwich (not too much and not too little). Anything that comes in individual containers (snack packs, goldfish, fruit by the foot).

3. Pretend you're hungry even though you used your head and pre-ate. How do you think my co-workers would have felt if I didn't pretend I was starving and excited for their homemade casseroles and salads (ew). They would be offended and add it to the list of social felonies I have committed over the course of the eight weeks we worked closely together. But instead of bragging about the delicious corn dogs C and I consumed in the course of leaving the store and heading to the potluck spot, I pretended I was starving and loaded my plate full of all the store bought stuff (meningitis free is the way to be!).

Friday, September 4, 2009

The Friday Five

1. Today is C's birthday. C is my former coworker (pretty much the best coworker you could ever ask for) and a pretty awesome friend. C supports me during all of my emotional breakdowns and when I get worked up over really minor things. C also likes playing Fallout 3 with me and enjoys hanging out at my house in his pajamas. I don't tell him this enough but he really makes my heart sing because he appreciates my craziness and I appreciate his uniqueness. Happy Birthday C, as much as I hated my former job and just about everyone there, I'm so thankful I had you around to keep me sane.

2. It's labor day weekend. This weekend is pretty much my nemesis because in the past it would mark the fact that in less than 100 hours I would be going back to school. I'm super bitter about labor day weekend and all it represents. Maybe it's because I don't have a job right now and can't appreciate the 3 day weekend like I could in the past, maybe it's because I'm really dreading my sister going back to school. Maybe it's because I just enjoy hating things for no reason.

3. Last night, Super S and I went to a baby shower. It was fun and we played games and ate eggrolls (note to self, white people cannot make homemade eggrolls but whatev). It made me feel grown up and I realized that this could be in my nearish future. For now, I'm just going to stick to raising other people's kids and celebrating my friends babies. I don't want to think about growing up just yet (as I write this in my pajamas at 9:30 in the morning from my parents couch).

4. Not working has thrown off my schedule so bad. I find myself a few times throughout the day wondering what day of the week it is. This morning I was thinking about checking the mail, then thought to myself that it's Sunday, then realized that it's Friday but the mail still won't be here because it's not even 10 in the morning. WTF. I need to go back to a strict diet of tv shows that will not only keep me feeling productive but will provide me with a way of knowing what damn day of the week it is.

5. Next week is my orientation for school. I am beyond stoked for this event for 2 reasons.
1. I get to scope out all the bitches, I mean um, cohort members I will be with for the next 2 years. Maybe I'll find my sarcastic and witty counterpart. Ok, probably not. But maybe I'll find lots of writing material.
2. I get my ID badge. That makes me all super official and badass. I'm going to wear it even when it's not necessary. Are we out of milk!? Hold on, let me put on my ID badge and run to the store and get us some! Hell to the yeah.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The King of the Eyesores

Some days just suck.

There's no sugar coating or sweet way of saying it.

Some days I just want to get back in bed and not come out.

When I started this blog and made the ultimate decision to take the lock off and let people in, I made the promise to myself that I would have this be an accurate representation of my life and the kind of person I am.

Not every single day is sunshine and roses. Some days are filled with shit and bastards.

Bastard friends, bastard family members, bastard situations.

These days happen. They happen to me and chances are, they happen to you.

For me, these days sneak up on me. They take the wind out of my sails and catch me off guard.

The best way I can describe it is like PE class. You're playing outfield and doing your best when you miss a ball and it hits you right in the chest. It takes your breath away and leaves you asking yourself, "now what do I do?".

I know that tomorrow will be a better day. That every situation in my life is manageable and in the grand scheme of things, life could be a million times worse.

But right now, I need this time to wallow and cope and catch up. I need to get into my pajamas and watch movies and only deal with my Fiona Fish and the characters in my books.

I'll try again tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

September

I cannot believe that today is September 1st. We have reached the final stretch of 2009 and once school starts, it's going to be the holidays again. Shit.

The past few nights I have had dreams that have included Bon Jovi. They weren't like the main focal point or anything but in the first dream I could hear them very clearly in the background on the radio in the car and in the dream I had last night, we won tickets to see them in concert.

I think this is my brains way of telling me something, I'm just not sure what.