Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Out of nowhere

If you are fortunate enough to never experience a family member in the hospital, you are missing out on an experience that can only be described as being completely out of touch with the normal world.

Given that this was my Grandma's third multiple day hospital stay this year, I have recently begun to consider myself a professional in the hospital visiting world.

For being almost 90, my grandmother is in fairly good health except for the fact that she has horrible asthma that makes her susceptible to pneumonia. This time around, her blood pressure was quickly approaching the line that would put her in the "stroke zone".

I got off work on Tuesday night and went by to see her at her nursing home, she was carrying on conversation just fine and was eating dinner while she talked to me.

24 hours later, she was completely out of it and was not only unable to maintain a conversation but would not make eye contact with you. This would later lead to MRIs.

The thing that is difficult to adjust to when being at the hospital 8-12 hours a day is the fact that the hospital is completely self sufficient. Like a hotel, it's always light inside and there are always people walking around. There would be days when I would get there in the morning and not leave until night and have no idea what time it is.

The thing I like most about hospitals is the demeanor of other people. Between the three trips to the hospital this year alone, I have met people in elevators and in line in the cafeteria who have provided me with such support and inspiration.

This time, I was standing in the hallway outside her hospital room door, just taking a minute to regroup and breathe when a random person took time to ask me if I was alright and to tell me that everything is going to be okay.

There's something about meeting people who are going through similar scenarios that brings down their guard. In the real world, strangers go out of their way to avoid conversation, in the hospital world, it is these conversations that provide the words that are needed to carry on.

The last thing and my favorite is the way the dynamics of my family quickly changes when it needs to. This is a family who is full of nothing but drama and criticism. But the minute we get the call that we need to be there, every petty argument is left at home and we create a united front. We are suddenly a family, loving each other because of our flaws and caring about each other enough to know who is diabetic and needs constant snacks, who needs to leave the room to smoke or regroup.

At one point, we had been there 7 hours and I looked around to see us all look the same way, tired, hungry, in need of a shower and fresh air, but laughing and reflecting. Talking about old memories and Christmas plans.

Although never in a million years did I imagine I would be spending my Christmas eve and Christmas day this way, although I wanted to cry and moan about how unfair this was, I am beyond thankful that my grandma is okay, I am beyond thankful that although the conditions were not ideal, I had the opportunity to spend time with my family in a way that would bring us closer together.

Hit The Road

Dear 2009,

Get out of here already.

You have without a doubt been the worst year I have faced so far in my almost 21 years of existence.

You have been full of nothing but stress, hospital visits, homework, heartache and disappointment.

I'm thankful for the very rare beautiful moments that you provided but the bad definitely outweighed the good and if you don't leave here soon, I'm afraid I won't be able to handle too much more.

As they say in my very favorite show for all time and forever Lost, Destiny is a fickle bitch and guess what 2009, SO ARE YOU.

Get out of here.

Love,
Whitney

Thursday, December 24, 2009

My Grandma is in the hospital again.

One day I'll write about how it's situations like these that make me realize who is there for me and willing to deal with uncontrollable sobs and constant trips to the vending machine.

One day I'll write about how it's times like these when my family is crowded together in a small waiting room that I realize despite how different our lives are and our jobs are, this is my family and we are tied together by not just our dna but our unconditional love for each other (and star wars, which happened to be on in the waiting room).

One day I'll write about all sorts of stuff, but right now I'm trying to squeeze in a few hours of sleep before we head back to the hospital.


Merry Christmas Loves <3

Send boat loads of good thoughts this way.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Open Letters

Dear Facebook,
Thanks for providing me with something to do during Winter break. I'm especially excited since I can now become a fan of important things like "Simply Lemonade" and "Texting the person sitting next to you things you can't say outloud". However, I am not a fan of my ex-boyfriend from junior high OR the family that I babysit for trying to befriend me.
Let's work on this,
Whitney

Dear Ex Boyfriend from Junior High,
I get it, your nosy. I'm the queen of internet creeping so I can't really call you out on this. I can however call you out on the fact that when you did know me, I had HUGE hair and a orthodontic appliance that resembles the kinds of things you'd find in a torture chamber. Considering that my sex appeal was zero when you knew me in the 8th grade, I am really unsure why it is that you now want to be my friend and have sent me THREE messages commenting on things I have listed in my about me.
Get a life creeper,
Whitney

Dear Crocheting,
I don't know why it is that we only meet once a year when I feel like I should be nice to the people in my life and make them something for the holidays. I also don't understand why 80 year old women can crochet and I can't.
You suck.
Love,
Whitney

Dear Laundry Pile.
F you.
I'm going to continue to ignore you at least until the new year,
Whitney

Dear Grandma,
Asking me every time we talk "when are you going to get a real job" is annoying and tacky.
Wondering how it is your heart hasn't frozen solid yet,
Whitney

Dear Your Mom/Your Face jokes,
Thanks for always being funny and for being wonderful to whisper to my 13 year old sister every time my relatives are around.
Love,
Whitney

Dear Diet Dr. Pepper,
Thanks for being the only thing in this world that keeps me sane.
Love Love Love,
Whitney

I used to be funny

Remember when I used to post things that were funny?

Like comparing my grandmother to dementors and referring to my teaching philosophy as "me being a dick".

*sigh*

Once I'm done making people Christmas presents, I'll get snarky again.

Until then, I'm going to go back to crocheting scarves for people I don't even care for that much.


These are a few of my favorite things


My new camera is here but because it has been raining, I haven't been able to take it on any adventures. This morning I decided to use it to document a few random things around my bedroom that make my heart sing.

My record ceiling is usually peoples favorite thing about my room.

I love the way people write my name, my bedroom door has a collection from over the years as well as a sign that says "love struck Osama sets his sights on Whitney", taken from the National Inquirer.

My amazing light switch cover found here

A random collection of funny and meaningful postsecrets.


Pictures of friends and family all centered around an awesome scrapbook page full of the words from "Oh The Places You'll Go".

This sign was one of the presents I got when I graduated high school.

My schedule board along with some motivational words.

I got a HUGE Harry Potter cardboard cut out when I was the first in line for the Half Blood Prince, meaning I was in line the early hours of the morning.

It took me a long time to feel comfortable enough to even turn this light on because I was convinced it was going to catch on fire. Now I love it.

Amazing finger puppets. Definitely one of the best things I have ever purchased. These ones are Harold and Maude and The Royal Tenenbaums. You can find these ones and some other super clever ones here. You can also see my ticket from the Seattle Art Museum!

My quote wall, full of framed words of wisdom that just make so much sense.



Sunday, December 20, 2009

Saturday, December 19, 2009

And then everything made sense again

I was going to post something last week about making progress and change for the better, but life kept me busy and I'm trying hard to adjust my sleeping pattern so I'm not always up until 3.

Then I was going to post a Friday five yesterday but I ended up going shopping with my mom.

So this is what I have to say, lately things have finally started to get better.

Long story short, last night Hayley and I made sugar cookies and the world is slowly but surely starting to make sense again.








Sunday, December 13, 2009

Don't Judge

One of my favorite shows of all time just so happens to be Gilmore Girls.

I really don't know why, maybe it's the witty banter between mother and daughter that is so similar to the relationship I have with my own mom. Anyways, there are so many quotes from this show that I have written in the spaces of my quote book.

There's one I always think about this time of year that talks about the magic of the first snow.

But today I happened to come across a quote. Sometimes I come across things that I have pushed to the back of my mind and I feel like it's so meant to be when I encounter them again. I pulled a book off my shelf and an index card fell out with these words,

"I'm fine, I mean not that I'm over it, but little by little it's getting easier to pretend it's easier, which means easier might be right around the corner -Gilmore Girls"

I love this. I love this for so many reasons. One because it is the perfect way to describe how I am feeling right now and Two, at some point in time in my life I dealt with a similar situation, I wrote this quote down as a reminder that easier is right around the corner and I survived whatever was going on then and I know I will survive what is going on now.



Saturday, December 12, 2009

Whatever happened, happened.



The last twenty four hours have been a true test. Things have happened that I just can't wrap my mind around. I'm constantly struggling with the fact that sometimes things happen that just don't make sense, some times situations are just out of my control.

It's a difficult feeling, the moment when you realize that you put entirely too much faith and trust in someone who did not deserve it. It's even more difficult when you realize that the structure you worked on building has come crumbling down so fast, by the time you notice that anything is wrong, it's already in pieces on the floor.

Instead of making sense of things, instead of constantly questioning why or wondering what I did wrong; I'm just focusing right now on constantly pushing forward.

Right now my job is to remind myself that "the world only spins forward", right now things are uncomfortable and difficult, right now there are days when it's hard to get out of bed, let alone pretend that I'm feeling okay, but eventually the day will come when things will stop hurting. Albeit, I'm definitely not feeling okay with the shape of things, I know that by surrounding myself with positive people who genuinely give a shit, by keeping myself busy and not taking time to acknowledge the unfortunate way that things are right now, I am on the road to being okay.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Everything Looks Perfect From Far Away

One of the things I struggle with the most when working with kids is the constant question “Did I do the very best that I can do today?”

Did I not let my own personal life and feelings get in the way of getting something accomplished?

Did I realize and remember that someone learns differently and thinks differently and acts differently and I need to do everything I can to accommodate that?

Did I reach them today? Will I reach them tomorrow? Is any progress being made? Is enough progress being made?

Some days, these questions keep me up at night, reading and researching and planning and plotting ways to try again, ways to change my strategies and methods and language and thought process to be the very best teacher I can be, to be the very best student I can be.

Teaching is hard work, learning how to teach is equally as hard because it is a never-ending process.

Some days are harder than others, some days are awful and I want to cry, some days are so beautiful and wonderful that I want to cry harder because I feel so fortunate to be able to do something I love so much.

I’m learning slowly that are going to be bad days, there are going to be days when things won’t go the way that I planned, but I will get through it and keep soldering on.

Every bad day is followed by a brand new day.

And I'll just continue to try my best, after all that's all I've got

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Circus

Sorry I have been so neglectful lately.

School is winding down and life is winding up. Does that make any sense? Probably not.

I've talked a lot over the last few months about trying hard to make a life out of the structure I've been given.

Everyday I am working on dealing with the things I cannot change, acknowledging the things that I have no control over and figuring out how to deal with them in a way that works best for me.

Sometimes, growing up hurts. Sometimes it makes me sad and awkward and insecure.

Sometimes, it's beautiful and candid.

I'm working hard on reminding myself that these rough patches are worth it. That everything happens for a reason and in the end, I am becoming the person I know I am meant to be.

As one of my favorite authors says, I am taking down yesterday to make way for tomorrow.

Thanks for being patient with me.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Life





There are certain moments in my life that catch me off guard.

Moments that sneak up on you and are just so simple and beautiful and meant to be.

Albeit, these moments are rare, I believe in my heart that they are distributed to you on the days when you just can't seem to take anymore.

The other night, I sat in C's car and we talked about life and love and anxiety and depression and teaching and growing and everything and nothing and it was simple and true and exactly what I wanted and nothing that I needed.

Oh life.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

One of my favorites

I'm in the process of rebuilding my life.
I mean that in a positive way.

I don't have any uplifting words today. I'm not feeling so hot and I'm trying to regroup so I'm ready to take on the world on Monday.

I'll leave you with a clip from harold and maude which continues to be one of my favorite movies of all time.

Friday, November 6, 2009

For going out she found, was really going in.

Last night in my special ed class, the director of our program stopped by to see how things were going and to let us know that next quarter we are taking four classes (right now I'm only taking three). We were also informed that we are going to need a minimum of EIGHT textbooks.

I think I might just pull my face off like I've been threatening to do this whole time.

This quarter I needed 4 books and they cost me $340. I can't even imagine how much a minimum of eight books is going to cost.

Normally this would not be an issue because I would just use my student loan money to cover it. But I can't do that now because I have to save my student loan money to pay for Summer quarter because I don't have any financial aid then.

So, right now I'm pissy and anxious and unsure of how I'm going to continue doing this. Sure, I can just run up ANOTHER credit card for textbooks but I can't keep doing that every single quarter.

Plus I can't imagine how time consuming four classes is going to be. Life is handing me a sack of shit right now and I'm trying really hard to figure out what to do with it.

I've been given this structure made up of school and homework and student teaching and now I'm just trying to build my own life around it.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Place Holder

I have a few things in mind that I really want to right about over the next 25-ish days.

But right now I worked during the day and I'm getting ready to leave for school. I just wanted something here in case I decided to come home from school and crash.

Working at an after school program is the epitome of running a marathon. To be more accurate, it's like running a marathon on one leg while juggling fire. It's such a careful balance of working with parents, community members, students, planning lessons, following up on lessons, meeting each and every need.

I love what I do (correction, used to do) and I miss it some days.

But I know for sure that there is no way imaginable that I could continue working and go to school. Both because they overlap and because I would mentally melt.

Anyways, I'm tired. What I'm trying to say is, after school programs are an amazing thing. A well oiled machine if ran correctly. I highly encourage you to check one out.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Bad.

I make bad choices.

Not bad, like the kind your parents warn you about. But bad, like I acknowledge that it’s a bad choice yet I continue to choose it.

I’m trying to make this as anonymous as possible.

I have a friend ( C, for those of you who follow this closely) and C makes horrible choices. Bad choices that he knows are bad and I know are bad. I try really hard to be a friend that is there unconditionally but sometimes I get so fed up with being there and doing constant damage control and cleaning up huge messes. Sometimes, I get fed up with being there in the middle of the night no matter what.

It’s these times that the tables are turned. It’s these time when suddenly; it is ME making bad choices. Because, instead of putting my foot down or being assertive or showing any kind of sign that I actually possess a backbone, I continue to take these phone calls. Instead of shouting, “WHY DON’T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE”, I put on the sensitive, nurturing teacher voice and I deal with his hundreds of issues.

Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely sit there and see his name on my phone and think to myself “Man, I shouldn’t answer that”. I should let him be an adult and deal with this crap on his own. But I just can’t do it. I always pick up and I always deal with it because I’m a good friend and that’s what a good friend does, right?

Wrong.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Marathon

Sometimes I feel like my teaching program is like running a marathon.

It's exhausting and overwhelming and there are so many days when I feel like there is no way I could make it to the finish line without support and people cheering me on.

Teaching is hard and learning about disabilities is hard and trying to develop my own teaching strategies and philosophy without melting down is hard.

In January I'll start my practicum time in the classroom and I'm nervous but so ready. I miss working with kids and I miss having the opportunity to develop and enforce curriculum and the sometimes beautiful moments when lessons take a turn and there is a teaching moment that I didn't expect.

I'm trying hard to focus on the positive and get through this rough patch. The transition from taking 100 level classes to suddenly taking 300 and 400 level classes has been killing me but I know it's so worth it.

See you tomorrow.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

halloween 2009

Because I'm a loser and am sitting home passing out candy, I decided to be semi productive and blog my whole candy distributing experience.

5:53- Hello, girl I went to high school with and your offspring.

5:55- Fighting with my grandmother about Wal-Mart putting christmas stuff up too soon. I realize this is a pointless battle and go back to staring at my screen to make it seem like I'm doing something important.

5:57- Girl that is blind and deaf. Thank you Western for teaching me how to communicate with her.

5:58- Asian girl dressed as Geisha. Oh geez.

6:00- I just said sitting on the ground is hurting my knees. Except the parents walking up just heard the "hard on my knees" part. I already win teacher of the year.

6:03- Hippie and a baby. How does that work?

6:11- Kid mocking me for being on the computer. F you kid.

6:13- I hate kids who don't say thank you. makes me wish I had baked poison cookies.

6:28- White kid dressed as a black kid. ROBERT DOWNEY JR SAY WHHATT

6:32- I hate unfriendly parents. Don't worry I have NO interest in snatching your spawn.

6:38- GIRL DRESSED AS PIRATE. I LOVE YOU.

6:51- Kid just specified what candy he wanted. DICK.

6:55- Mom just asked me for one of those little strawberry candies. TWEAKER

6:56- Kid just asked "what are you doing on that computer" writing crap about you kid, that's what.

7:00- Just got asked if this is the house "from last year". Um yeah.

7:22-I don't buy the whole "my sister is sick at home trick".

7:25- It's so cold I can see myself breathing. UGH.

7:27- Running out of candy, I should start handing out life advice instead

7:30- Teenagers not dressed up and requesting I put candy in their backpacks. That's just lazy.

7:37- Babies are cute. Babies dressed as bugs and animals are cute. Babies that are barely two months and cannot hold their head up but I’m supposed to give them candy? Not cute.

7:45- I’m cold and running out of candy.

7:50- Saw kid from my summer program. He proceeded to yell “HI MISS WHITNEY IT’S ME N**** DO YOU LIVE IN THIS HOUSE? I’M GOING TO SEE YOU NEXT YEAR. Time to call a real estate agent.

7:53- Grown man dressed as Woman. What’s up Lady Gaga

8:00- Pondering the idea of giving away the rest of the crappy cheap candy and keeping the good stuff for myself.

8:05- I really do think there should be a cut off. Like once you have boobs and need to shave your arm pits, you don’t need to trick or treat.

8:10- UNFRIENDLY PARENTS SUCK.

8:13- Winding down.

8:17- I take that back.

8:20- I have seen 8328325 Optimus Prime kids tonight. I would have been bumblebee.

8:22- PRINCESS LEIA COMPLETE WITH HAIR!

8:25- sooooo cold.

8:29- All I have left are the Costco sized bag of mini candy bars. This is a sign for the universe to retreat inside.

8:30- Turning lights off.

8:35- Doorbell rings, I hear kids saying my name. Oh geez, I hope it’s not N**** again bringing the 30 other kids from over the Summer to prove that I live here.

8:37- phew it’s just my babysitting kids. Who are awesome btw.

8:40- I’m done for real now.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Sometimes I'm a dick

The past few days I have been working on writing my introduction letter to the first teacher who will let me work 4 hours a week in their classroom (suucckkerr).

In this letter, I had to include my teaching philosophy.

It took me two days, a headache, some serious snacks and advise from my closest friends and cohort members.

I just couldn't move beyond "Survive each day without killing myself or anyone else".

Don't stress, I finally did it.

But I still would like to know what kind of teacher would let me work in their room if I wrote something like that.

I'm a dick.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Candid

Shane uses the word "Candid" a lot in conversation. I'm trying to think of some examples but nothing is coming to mind. Just trust me when I say that he does.

Anyways, the goal of this blog since the time I started it was to give people an honest look into my life as I finish my teaching degree and begin the transition from being a student full time to being in the classroom full time. A candid look, as Shane would say.

That includes the moments that are less than perfect. That includes the moments that just flat out suck.

Lately that's how things have been. Nothing alarming or unmanageable, just less than awesome.

On Sunday, I decided to be active and actually DO something in an effort to make myself feel better. So I got up, got on a ferry and spent the day in Seattle.

The weather was perfect. It was bright and sunny but still cold. Just the way I like it.




This is the view from Pike Place Market. I'm not usually a touristy person, but I really do think everyone should visit Pike Place at least once. It's an awesome experience.

Another really awesome thing about Seattle is the street art. There are sculptures and other cool things all over the place. This is just a tiny example of some of the things I saw. It's a penguin made out of all recycled materials. My favorite part is the ice cream scoops.



This is the view from the Seattle Public Library. Which, if you are anything like me and like books in the least. The Seattle Library is the place for you. It's amazing and HUGE. I believe it's 8 or 9 floors.
I saved this picture for last because it's the most important. This was taken inside the Seattle Art Museum. Right now, admission to the museum is donation only so you can pay whatever you can afford. These are cars that hang in the lobby. Super clever.
It was inside the art museum that I finally had my zen moment. I was standing in front of a real Monet painting (you would have to know what a weird, art obsessed kid I was growing up to realize the importance of this). Anyways, I was standing in front of a real Monet for what seemed like probably half an hour. For whatever reason, this painting really shifted my perspective on things. I just stood there, and I could feel the change in me. I knew I was able to handle everything. I knew for certain that everything was going to be okay, that I was going to be okay.

p.s. It was this Monet, in case you were curious.



*photo courtesy of google*

Saturday, October 10, 2009

I'm Myelinating

Have you noticed the overwhelming sense of bitterness coming this way?

I don't know what it is anymore. My body and my mind are dealing with 101 different emotions and situations and tasks at hand. At any given time, I feel angry and lonely and overwhelmed and sad and uncomfortable and out of control.

I need to calm down. And I need take a deep breath. And I need to recognize that I DO have control. I feel like right now, I must allow myself to feel angry. And sad. And lonely. And crazy. I must experience it, or it will rear it's ugly head with so much power I might not be able to calm it down. I need to make time to sit down and think about my situation. I need to acknowledge that this is going on and then I can move on to the next step, which is crying and screaming and writing and coping.

And then I can move on.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Over and Over Again


I've had the crappiest week ever.

Ok, maybe not ever but pretty damn close.

So crappy in fact, that I spent the better part of last night on the phone with C, crying and rambling incoherently.

I'm pretty sure I said something about giving up teaching because school has been so overwhelming lately and pursuing porn instead. But of course this was between burst of tears and snot snorting that I can't be 100% sure.

So that's where I've been. Dealing with life and school and feeling overwhelmed and disgusting.

But instead of whining about life, I've come here to share two AWESOME things.

1) My new favorite game. My new favorite game consists of looking at people' political preferences on facebook. Then once I find out someone is a republican, I go back to November 4th and read their statuses. SOOOO FUNNY. Like, I can't even tell you.

2) I was feeling all crummy again today and was just getting ready to give in and comfort bake. THEN I SAW THAT BEHIND THE MUSIC LIL WAYNE WAS ON. I honestly can say in my heart that I felt like this was given to me by the gods. I could not stop laughing. He said things like "it could be some heroin in my cup, aint nobody's business" and "my mom and my fatha figures were there". LOL.

Oh lil wayne, thanks for turning my week around.

Monday, October 5, 2009

If you never really get me, then I guess you'll never know

Being my friend, like actually someone I give a shit about requires a lot. I would rank it right above what it takes to be an adoptive parent and right below the requirements to get into Harvard.

Let me give you a run down of how it works:

-It primarily comes down to Respect. When I first meet you, I'm not going to like you. If you respect that I have this right and that it's happening, you'll automatically gain my respect. In the words of one of my favorite Real Housewives, "I won't like you, until I like you". Respect that there are going to be days when I won't want to talk to you. Respect me and I'll respect you right back.

-Boundaries. I have 230872052 different weird boundaries and unless we predetermine that you recognize my boundaries and they don't scare you away, you better damn well know what they are, because crossing my boundaries will get you a one way ticket out of friend town. Don't call me, don't text me, don't talk about my life or my anxiety or my family like you are apart of that. It's a boundaries issue.

-I am a mean girl. "Down to the core" as Shane will say. I mock and I criticize and I'll call you out if I think you're wrong about something or if I think you are just being a flat out jackass. I don't mess around or sugarcoat things. My own core philosophy is this, I may be mean or snatchy or however you want to word it, but I'm definitely not a liar.

-Hate the same things I do. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. Nothing works better for me than a friendship based on hating things together. I told C once, I like when we like the same things, but I LOVE when we hate the same things.

-I need to snack round the damn clock. I can feel it happening when I need a snack. I automatically lose the ability to deal with anything when I need a snack and if you know that this happens, we will hit it off well. It's not something I can control and if you take this into consideration when we interact, I will greatly appreciate it.

-There are a few phrases I'll say when I'm at my wits end with you. Look out for "I'm sure" or "I bet". This are the verbally equivalent of me just saying I don't care.

-Lastly, I blog. In a number of locations. Chances are, I will talk about you on my blog. Sorry. If it bothers you, I'll abbreviate your name.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

If I had something to say to you, I'd whisper it softly.

-Lately I keep getting really bad headaches, either I need new glasses or my brain is melting.

-I've kicked around the idea of suing Jk Rowling for copyright infringement because I'm positive she based Dementors on my Grandmother.

-I made chocolate chip cookies today. They are amazing and 80% of them are now safely hidden in my junk food spot.

-I spent 3 minutes trying to figure out how to word "junk food spot" so it wouldn't sound like I was talking about my vagina.

-I hate one word text messages but lately I've been sending them a lot because I'm lazy and anti-social.

That's all.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

1 AM nonsense

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what makes up a family.

This could be because of a lot of reasons, the first being that we have been talking about the importance of a family unit during the transition period from general ed to special ed in my special ed class. The second being that there has been a lot of family stuff lately and a blood relative of a friend of mine pointed out that my family is "quite frankly not a real family" to said friend, when in my opinion they have been a family unit to the core.

Here's what I have decided:

A family is made up of the people who are there for you consistently through the good and bad times in your life. A family member is someone who has seen you cry. And not just sad "at the end of Wall-E" tears, but the loud obnoxious snot running down your face tears. A family member knows that your tongue breaks out in weird gross bumps when you eat strawberries. They know that you hate Will Smith movies and that you require snacks and drinks when you are going to be gone for more than two hours. A family member knows the names of the people in your life. They respect the days that you are in a slump and make the choice to not get out of bed. They are there to celebrate each victory in your life, be it big or small. They are there to carry you through the difficulties. A family to me, is an ultimate support system, who acts on the "Whatever makes you happy" philosophy and respects you as a person who can think and reason for themselves.

To me, a family has NOTHING to do with being a blood relative. A family unit can be made up of blood relatives who aren't crazy, friends who have been there for you without question, teachers who have unconditionally support your growth and development in ways that you can't even begin to realize just yet.

You have relatives through blood, you have a family through choice.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Back To School


Today is my first official day of school and the beginning of the last 2.5 years until I get my teaching degree.

Here's what I'm anxious/excited about:

-homework, I LOVE homework. I'm not even kidding or trying to be sarcastic. I love homework and I love having the built in excuse of homework whenever I don't want to do anything. (For example, "sorry I couldn't make it to family dinner Grandma, I had TONS of homework")
-I'm also excited to get to know the people in my cohort better. And by better, I mean "well enough to make nicknames for all of them".

Here's what I'm not excited about:
-Having to be social
-Having to get dressed
-Being gone between the hours of 5:30 and 9:30. That is the most inconvenient time bracket to be gone. I'll be missing dinner, at least one snack and the beginning of all my shows.

I'll be back tomorrow with a complete over analysis. After I watch House AND Gossip Girl on dvr because I won't be home to see them tonight.

Damn education.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Happy Birthday





I bet you don't know that my mom was fairly young when I was born.

Or if you do know that, what's up real world friends.

Sometimes this made growing up rocky, even now I meet pretentious jerks who look down on me and think that because I am the product of teenage pregnancy I'm automatically white trash and going to be a bad influence. But whatever.

Even though my mom was a baby herself when I was born, she did a kickass job of raising me and instilling in me all the values that are important to instill in your spawn. For example,
-my mom taught me to love super tacos from Jack in the Box
-She also taught me how to nurture a grudge like it's a newborn child
-Lastly, she taught me to be assertive and not take shit from anyone.

My mom is my best friend and not in the hackneyed "relatives by blood, friends by choice" way. My mom is my best friend because she supports me unconditionally and deals with my emotional crises and does a damn good job of hating the same people and things that I hate.

Today is my mom's birthday and even though she is sick and doesn't want to do anything over the top and fun, I'm determined to make sure she has a kickass day because she's the most kickass person I know.

Happy Birthday Mama!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

You know what I hate?

It always makes C happy when I start a sentence off with "You know what I hate". Usually because when I say this, it is followed by something really irrelevant that pisses nobody off but me.

Anyways, you know what I hate?

When guys refer to other guys as their "buddy".

Gross.

Don't get me wrong, there are some limited acceptable uses of the word buddy. For example, during Summer camp, we had assigned Summer reading "buddies" which is just an appropriate way of saying "hey you older kids partner up with the younger kids and read for an hour so I can talk to C".

But when two adult men refer to each other as "buddy" it makes me want to puke and lock the door because it creeps me out so bad.

That's all.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Jo and Laurie


There are a number of things that I struggle with on a daily basis.

Here are an example of some of the issues that I can't comprehend on my own:

-Why my mom gets mad when I want to spend the whole day playing Fallout 3.

-Why some teachers are mean and act like they want to swallow some kids up whole? Becoming a teacher takes a lot of hard work, why do it if you don't want to?

-Why do some people not turn right on a red? I get that in some states its illegal and whatnot. But not in Washington. TURRRNNN.

-Why washing a plate with ketchup on it is the single grossest thing on Earth.

Lastly and most importantly, why Jo and Laurie didn't end up together?

Seriously.

If I could rumble Outsiders style with one person, it would be Jo March. I have spent many hours contemplating why she wouldn't want to marry him. Especially in the movie version. Pre-wife beating Christan Bale is quite a catch.

That's really all I've got today.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Shutdown.

Last night, I got the worst kind of headache.

The kind of headache that blindsides you and leaves you feeling like you are going to either cry or projectile vomit. Or both.

So instead of writing anything clever or witty or worth reading, I'll leave you with a comic.


p.s. The universe is rewarding me for fighting this bastard headache by putting the season premiere of Gossip Girl on tonight!

p.s.s I really hate Kate Gosselin. Let's talk about that this week.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Songs I Hate To Love

There are a few songs I am truly embarrassed to admit that I love to listen to. So embarrassed in fact, that I usually only listen to these songs on headphones at a really low volume just in case anyone walks in.

Here are the ten songs I am currently hating that I love.

10. Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson.



Have you heard the lyrics of this song? Soooo cheesy.

"this song is meant to keep ya
from doing what you're supposed to
like waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
pretend like it's the weekend now"

Every time I hear it, I can't help but say to myself, "You know what, that sounds like a great fucking idea". Damn you Jack Johnson!

9. Katy Perry "Hot N Cold"


I have a serious love/hate relationship with Katy Perry. Her songs are just so over the top and dramatic. I mean, did she really kiss a girl and like it? I doubt it.
But this song just gets me. I always joke and say I'm going to use this song to teach my future kindergartners their opposites.

Now that I think about it, maybe I have such a soft spot for this song because I really do have a "hot n cold" personality (not to self, explain the "sweet n sour" award I won at work once in a different post).

8. Black Eyed Peas "I've Got a Feeling"


One day I was discreetly rocking out to this song when my sister showed me a video talking about how it is the worst song in the world. That's a little rough but the lyrics are a bit redundant and I will never be able to figure out the randomly placed "Mazel tov" but whatev.

7. Jordin Sparks "Battlefield"


I don't really do the whole American Idol thing. But I did see Jordin Sparks when she opened up for the Jonas Brothers. Whatever, don't judge. This little girl can sing her heart out. I like this song because it reminds me of Christina Aguilera's "Stronger" which is another feminist power ballad that makes my heart sing.

6. Gwen Stefani "Hollaback Girl"


She spells "bananas". What more could you want from a song?

5. Kanye West "Stronger"



I have such torn emotions about this song. I might just have a soft spot for Daft Punk and the "That that that that don't kill me" parts. But two things. 1) Kayne West is SUCH a tool and 2) Every time I hear this song, all I can think about is robot Katie Holmes talking about it how she listened to it when she ran that dumb marathon.

4. Dr Dre and Eminem "Forgot About Dre"


As a future teacher, there are certain elements of my personality I try hard to keep hidden from people who are not already in the inner circle. For example, my tendency to say bad words and my love for Dr. Dre. I had a hard time picking just one song but it definitely has to be this. I know all of the words to both parts and I have an ability to incorporate these lyrics into essays and casual conversation.

3. Bon Jovi "You Give Love a Bad Name"


I've talked about my Bon Jovi dreams before. I can't help but rock out to this song. When I found out it was on Guitar Hero 5, I pretty much flew to the store to buy it.

2. The Backstreet Boys "I Want It That Way"



Cut me some slack, when this video was taken in 1999, I was at the height of my 5th grade coolness. How can you not love the coordinating white outfits? The high notes? The BSB looooovee?

1. Hannah Montana "Nobody's Perfect"



Whatever. Judge all you want. This song is AWESOME. She's totally right, everybody makes mistakes! Everybody DOES have those days and I of course do know what she's talking about because EVERYBODY feels that way. I love myself some Hannah (note, I can totally tell the difference between a Hannah song and a Miley song). To me, this song brings back memories of my first graders rocking out, it also brings back the feeling that I too, want the best of both worlds.



Thursday, September 10, 2009

99% of the time

I am making this face:


This has been described by outsiders as the "as soon as I get control of this headache I'm going to unleash some verbal whoopass on you" face.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

The Art of Pre-Eating

You know when you have those moments with someone when you realize that there is a definite reason why you are friends?

I had one of these moments about a month ago when I was sitting in C's car. We were getting ready to go to a staff potluck for my former job when we decided that we knew the food situation was going to be grim there. It was at that moment that C and I took our already awesome friendship to the next level. We decided to pre-eat.

Over the next ten minutes, C and I sat in the car and consumed corn dogs and potato wedges.

Pre-eating is made up of small mini-meals before you consume an actual meal.

Another example of an ideal pre-eating scenario is when you are going to the Olive Garden with a party of more than 2 during dinner time. This happened to me yesterday and I knew that we were going to be doomed to a life of red light up beepers and packed seating. Me being the clever pre-eater that I am, knew to grab some fruit leather and some of those mini cartons of goldfish crackers. While the rest of my family members were bitching and moaning about their starvation, I had already pre-eaten and was good to go.


Of course, there are some serious rules that you must master before you become a successful pre-eater.

1. Don't let other people know. Pre-eating is like an ancient ritual that only your close friends and people with diabetes will understand. Others will just judge you and make comments about how typical and American you are for wanting to eat before you eat. Just remember that while they are suffering and still waiting to be seated, your stomach will be full and your blood sugar numbers normal.

2. Don't overeat. There is a fine line between pre-eating and actually eating. These are some examples of ideal pre-eating foods. Corn Dogs (only because there is never a situation when a corn dog isn't an ideal food). Half a sandwich (not too much and not too little). Anything that comes in individual containers (snack packs, goldfish, fruit by the foot).

3. Pretend you're hungry even though you used your head and pre-ate. How do you think my co-workers would have felt if I didn't pretend I was starving and excited for their homemade casseroles and salads (ew). They would be offended and add it to the list of social felonies I have committed over the course of the eight weeks we worked closely together. But instead of bragging about the delicious corn dogs C and I consumed in the course of leaving the store and heading to the potluck spot, I pretended I was starving and loaded my plate full of all the store bought stuff (meningitis free is the way to be!).

Friday, September 4, 2009

The Friday Five

1. Today is C's birthday. C is my former coworker (pretty much the best coworker you could ever ask for) and a pretty awesome friend. C supports me during all of my emotional breakdowns and when I get worked up over really minor things. C also likes playing Fallout 3 with me and enjoys hanging out at my house in his pajamas. I don't tell him this enough but he really makes my heart sing because he appreciates my craziness and I appreciate his uniqueness. Happy Birthday C, as much as I hated my former job and just about everyone there, I'm so thankful I had you around to keep me sane.

2. It's labor day weekend. This weekend is pretty much my nemesis because in the past it would mark the fact that in less than 100 hours I would be going back to school. I'm super bitter about labor day weekend and all it represents. Maybe it's because I don't have a job right now and can't appreciate the 3 day weekend like I could in the past, maybe it's because I'm really dreading my sister going back to school. Maybe it's because I just enjoy hating things for no reason.

3. Last night, Super S and I went to a baby shower. It was fun and we played games and ate eggrolls (note to self, white people cannot make homemade eggrolls but whatev). It made me feel grown up and I realized that this could be in my nearish future. For now, I'm just going to stick to raising other people's kids and celebrating my friends babies. I don't want to think about growing up just yet (as I write this in my pajamas at 9:30 in the morning from my parents couch).

4. Not working has thrown off my schedule so bad. I find myself a few times throughout the day wondering what day of the week it is. This morning I was thinking about checking the mail, then thought to myself that it's Sunday, then realized that it's Friday but the mail still won't be here because it's not even 10 in the morning. WTF. I need to go back to a strict diet of tv shows that will not only keep me feeling productive but will provide me with a way of knowing what damn day of the week it is.

5. Next week is my orientation for school. I am beyond stoked for this event for 2 reasons.
1. I get to scope out all the bitches, I mean um, cohort members I will be with for the next 2 years. Maybe I'll find my sarcastic and witty counterpart. Ok, probably not. But maybe I'll find lots of writing material.
2. I get my ID badge. That makes me all super official and badass. I'm going to wear it even when it's not necessary. Are we out of milk!? Hold on, let me put on my ID badge and run to the store and get us some! Hell to the yeah.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The King of the Eyesores

Some days just suck.

There's no sugar coating or sweet way of saying it.

Some days I just want to get back in bed and not come out.

When I started this blog and made the ultimate decision to take the lock off and let people in, I made the promise to myself that I would have this be an accurate representation of my life and the kind of person I am.

Not every single day is sunshine and roses. Some days are filled with shit and bastards.

Bastard friends, bastard family members, bastard situations.

These days happen. They happen to me and chances are, they happen to you.

For me, these days sneak up on me. They take the wind out of my sails and catch me off guard.

The best way I can describe it is like PE class. You're playing outfield and doing your best when you miss a ball and it hits you right in the chest. It takes your breath away and leaves you asking yourself, "now what do I do?".

I know that tomorrow will be a better day. That every situation in my life is manageable and in the grand scheme of things, life could be a million times worse.

But right now, I need this time to wallow and cope and catch up. I need to get into my pajamas and watch movies and only deal with my Fiona Fish and the characters in my books.

I'll try again tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

September

I cannot believe that today is September 1st. We have reached the final stretch of 2009 and once school starts, it's going to be the holidays again. Shit.

The past few nights I have had dreams that have included Bon Jovi. They weren't like the main focal point or anything but in the first dream I could hear them very clearly in the background on the radio in the car and in the dream I had last night, we won tickets to see them in concert.

I think this is my brains way of telling me something, I'm just not sure what.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

I need motivaton

Dear Whitney,

Today you woke up at 10. That's not cool. Normally, you would be up at 6. But now, your body is turning on you and you're used to not having to get up and do anything.

THIS HAS TO STOP NOW.

Before the middle of September comes and the only thing you have done with your life is add a few new things to your etsy shop and play video games. NOT COOL.

Get a job, sister. At least work on getting a job. Ok, let's compromise, at least PRETEND that you are at least WORKING on getting a job.

Look, I know it's been at least 2 years since you've had a time when you aren't either working or going to school and I really do think you should be allowed to enjoy this time and be eternally in your pajamas and only make contact with 3ish people from the outside world. But please, please, draw the line somewhere.

I'm going to check back in with you in a week and if you're still pulling this shit, I might have to pull the wifi from your bedroom.

xoxo,
The more productive-adultish version of yourself.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Frrriiddaaay Fiivvee

1. Today I tried paper macheing light switch covers. It was messy and totally fun. I'm going to wait until it dries but I think this might be something I'll start doing more often and eventually start selling them.

2. Now that I'm not working and devoting all of my time to lesson plans and unwinding from looonnng Summer days, I've been watching a lot of tv shows on DVD. I've now watched the first four seasons of The Office (which never stops being funny) and the first two seasons of 30 Rock.

3. I'm having one of those blah days. While it's nothing in particular that is making me feel this way, I just don't feel like leaving the house, or more specifically, leaving my bed. I know that tomorrow it will pass but for now, I just feel like curling up with a book and not thinking about anything to serious or important.

4. I am running out of things to say, so I'm going to post two items I've had saved on my favorites for when I have money or need to give an awesome gift. The first is:

The retro Birds Misha bag found here. Check out Deyitta's shop for lots of other super cute and super practical bags.

5. I've had this card saved for awhile now and have been waiting for the perfect reason to buy it.
This and other super sweet and unique cards can be found at PaperMichelle's shop.

Alright, I'm off to enjoy more time and bed. Maybe I'll watch a movie, or read a book. Or just enjoy some quiet time to myself.

All the love in the universe,
Whitney

Friday, August 21, 2009

Friday Five

1. I don't have a job. Is this coming off dramatic enough? Yesterday I signed my very last time card and walked out the door. Then it hit me, shit. I don't have a job. You know what I do have? Almost $3000 in credit card debt and no perspective job. Oddly enough, I'm not stressing about this as much as you would think. I'm trying to be all open minded about this situation and know that when the time is right and if I work hard enough, I'm bound to find a new job. Wrong. I'm unemployed.

2. You know what I do a lot of? Internet creeping. Here are some of the sites I highly recommend. I'm going to use the next few points to recommend some top quality reading material.

3. -Texts from Last Night. Funny beyond belief. You know what I really love about this site? The fact that you can search by area code!

4. My Life is Average. Full of Harry Potter, fort and nerdy to the max jokes. I love knowing that there are people out there who are just as average as I am.

5.1000 Awesome Things Pretty self explanatory and super funny.

6. The Spohrs are Multiplying. Seriously heart wrenching. Reading this blog has changed my outlook on life. This family inspires me to be a better blogger and just a better person in general.

7. Bakers and Astronauts. A super clever site for all things teachery. I have learned so many ideas that I plan on utilizing when I have my own classroom. Or maybe when I get a new job.

Alright, I'm off to go soak up the unemployed life.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Truthiness

Sometimes I have a hard time writing about things when I don't have anything to complain about.

Here's a comic while I take a short break and figure out what I want to talk about.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The Brave Little Toaster. Or "Things that messed up my childhood"


You know what? I'm really not the type of person to blame my problems on other people or things. 99.9999% of the time, when I'm having a bad day, I know it has to do with my attitude and the fact that my blood sugar is now too low for me to appropriately handle a situation or I'm just a natural born negative nancy.

BUT... I know for certain in my heart that any kind of personality flaw that I have that has held on since my childhood is all because of the movie "The Brave Little Toaster".

The Brave Little Toaster is about a blanket, a lamp and some other shit that is abandoned by their master and they try to find him. EXCEPT that a douchey vacuum cleaner tags along and is SUCH a prick (this is the reason why I have such animosity towards vacuum cleaners, except for the dyson ball which I lust for).

It's a tragic tale of love and loss and growing up and being too old and too cool for your super awesome blanket and it's super awesome face.

This movie messed with my head and made my start feeling all insecure and unappreciative of my household appliances.

Next time we'll talk about my hatred for "Follow That Bird" but for now I need to go curl up with my blanket and punch my vacuum cleaner.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Where is the milk or "Things Heard Here on a Sunday Morning"

My parents are gone this weekend. As I write this in my pajamas on their couch, they are off romping in the ocean and having a grand ol' time (This is known as good old fashion Catholic guilt).

When I stumbled downstairs and frantically searched for something to eat, I called to my mom out of habit "Where the fuck is the milk".

It was then that I realized that my parents are pretty damn amazing.

My parents are the kind of people who display the definition of unconditional love on a daily, weekly and eternal basis.

I know that I could call my mom right now and tell her that instead of becoming a teacher (which we have both already mutually financed) I want to move to Greece and do daily reenactments of Mamma Mia! and you know what she would say, well after she would get pissy for interrupting the remaining hours of their vacation. Something along the lines of "Well Alright Whitney, Well look up tickets to Greece when I get home". That's the kind of people they are.

Growing up I thought this is just what parents do, love and support and do whatever they can to help their spawn reach their dreams no matter what they are. Working with kids has helped me not only appreciate my parents more on a mature level but has helped me realize that loving and supporting my sister and I in the way that they do is not what all parents do, it's just what kickass parents do.

Now Mom, come home soon because I really need to know where the milk is.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

What's up Gangster or "Getting to Know Me"

I bet you don't know that I've been blogging for almost 7 years. That's 1/3 of my whole life. You're not going to be able to find the blog that started it all because that shit it locked up tight, but somewhere out there are the ramblings of my preteen, teen and young adult self. Scary as hell.

Let's see what you should know if you are by chance coming across this and don't know me in the real world (RW).

I'm going to school to be a teacher. I've been saying that for the majority of the last few years but now it's come true and happening fast. Being a teacher is the only thing I have ever wanted to do with my life. When I was six, I was lining up my stuffed animals and correcting spelling errors in scented marker.

I am fortunate to have never been one of those people who didn't know what they were going to do with their lives. Teaching has been my drive and I have skipped every after high school crisis that all my friends went through.

I've worked at a non profit organization for the last year. This has changed me in ways I am not even sure of yet. Sometimes I get so emotionally and mentally caught up in my job and the kids that I work with that I've gone into the bathroom and thrown up when I know that their lives are shitty and it's beyond my control (ok, this has only happened twice but whatever). I don't like most of my coworkers but the ones that I do like, they mean the world to me. As I write this, I am getting ready to start my very last week there before I move on to hopefully bigger and better things.

I'm not emotional about a whole lot but there are a few kids who I can't even imagine not seeing on a regular basis. My leaving there has come at the perfect time though, I'm ready to have a real adult job, I'm burnt out on lame immature work politics and I feel like I have poured all my time and energy into these kids and have nothing else to give them.

Now, let's talk about why I'm shifting gears. First and foremost, I eternally have A LOT to say. I have opinions about just about everything and I feel like it's my civic duty to share them (sarcasm). I also seem to find myself in situations that are mind boggling and amazing (for example, a few nights ago my coworker was here until 1 am and we were playing with fake guns). Plus I'm such a blog creep myself that I might as well feed the other creeps like myself out there.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Never too early for Halloween

The past week it has been 100 degrees. On Wednesday it was the hottest it has been in almost 120 years. This made work extremely difficult because it was too hot to be outside and we had only so many spaces that will accommodate all of our kids.

Anyways... here is what's new in the shop. Halloween studs!!



All the love in the universe,
Whitney

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Happy 4th of July

This week has been crazy busy but in a super good way! On Sunday I took my sister to go see the Jonas Brothers in concert (don't judge), we had a great time and I know she enjoyed it. I remember what it was like when I was that age and got to see the Backstreet Boys.

Then I found out on Wednesday that I was accepted to the teaching program I've been working to get into! This means huge life changes and needing to quit my job, but it happens and I'm ready.

Now for some other new things around my house...
Baby rats! The boy recently bought a replacement rat so the first one wouldn't be lonely and one day we noticed she was really fat, like significantly fatter then the days before. Then one day I receive a frantic text that is all in caps while I was at work. The edited version would be something like "WE HAVE BABIES". There are eleven and at first I wasn't very fond of them, they are beyond cute.

Have a very happy and safe 4th of July. To me, the 4th of july means fireworks, bbqs and cupcakes!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Here's What's New


















































I also have a ton of pictures from graduation but I'll post those later :)

Have a great day everyone!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Monday, June 1, 2009